Throwback Thursday - College Friendships (A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime)

This month marks 16 years since I started classes at a nearby business school.  I had already attended a community college for one semester and that didn't work out well so I decided to go elsewhere.  My life was in a really bad place back then.  I was doing things I don't even want to think about anymore.  That part of my life is over and done with ... and I'm glad.  Going to business school was a fresh start.  A chance to start over on a clean slate. 

Copied this picture from their website.  Sorry it's blurry.

Little did I know that once I entered those doors my life was going to change and I would receive more than just a business degree.  I would gain friendships that lasted a lifetime (well, a few of them at least).  

Since the school was located in another county I didn't think I'd run into anyone from high school but I did.  One girl.  I won't give her full name so I'll just call her A.  A and I were only acquaintances in high school but once I started at college we became really close and best of friends.  She was very much different from the other people I had hung out with.  She was a Christian and helped me to find a relationship with God.  Eventually we started hanging out with a group of people and in that group was the man I later married.  He was in a relationship with someone else and we were only friends throughout the entire two years of school.  There was also another girl we were close to.  I'll also refrain from using her full name and call her C.  The four of us spent a lot of time together in and out of school.  It was a blast.  

A few years after graduation A decided to move on with her life and didn't include us in it.  Suddenly we were nothing to her.  So much for being best friends, huh?  Even after all of that drama I still am thankful to have had her as a friend during that time and to have someone who introduced me to Christianity.  I miss her but I have learned that people enter our lives for a reason and sometimes it's not meant to last forever.  

C is still very much a big part of our lives.  We have seen her through a horrible relationship, having a child, meeting a new and wonderful man, marrying that man and having two more children.  She's the one I know I can count on and I've always been there for her.  We've shared some great times.  Of course because she's busy with working a full-time job and taking care of a family of 5 we don't get the chance to see much of each other ... but I know she's the friendship that will last a lifetime.  

Then of course, there's my husband Rob.  At some point after graduation we spent a lot of time together and decided that we wanted to be more than just friends.  We became an official couple and then Mr & Mrs in the spring of 2002.  

C actually introduced me to this poem years ago and it's really helped me to understand why some people leave our lives while others stay:

A REASON, A SEASON, OR A LIFETIME

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

I'm thankful for all of my friendships, even the people who never stuck around.  I don't completely blame A for what she did.  I know I played a part in her decision to not be friends with me.  If I could go back and do things differently I would; however, I realize that no matter what I would have done or what I would have said she wasn't willing to try and make our friendship work ... and that's not a friend I want to have.  A true friendship is worth fighting for after all, isn't it?

I often think about those two years spent in business school.  They were great times.  I was getting my education and finally figuring out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I had a fun part-time job in a Hallmark store and had lots of fun with these friends.  It was a time when life seemed carefree and amazing.  Rob and C must think I'm crazy whenever I say I miss those days but I do.  

I love how life turned out.  I really do.  But some days I wish I could go back to 1998, even for just a little bit. 

The Tedious Journey Through Potty Training

I certainly do not want to be one of those mothers who feel it's necessary to rush my children into potty training.  I believe the little ones will figure it out in their own time and it doesn't have to be the minute they reach the age of two. 

My son was only one month shy of turning three when he was potty trained and that did not include night time training.  I was in no hurry and I knew he'd start using the potty when he was good and ready and I wanted him to be comfortable with the process.  At age two we bought a cute little frog potty and also a Cars themed potty seat for our regular toilet.  I introduced them both to him by telling him what it was for and having him try it out here and there.  My son has always been pretty smart and never gave me an issue with anything so I'm sure he would have trained a lot sooner if I had pushed him.  But I didn't.  Not until he was close to turning three did I realize I had to make a better effort at getting him to use the potty regularly.  A friend of mine said that she had her son wear underwear and stopped using diapers.  That worked out well so I decided to give it a try.  Little ones are used to going in their diapers and it becomes a habit.  Also, I don't like pullups.  They are the same as diapers except it's easier to pull them up and down.  They are also expensive.  So I decided to buy some underwear and give that a try.  It worked like a charm. 

He wore his underwear and I had him sit on the potty every fifteen minutes or so.  He got the hang of it rather quickly.  Only one wet accident, which had him very upset with himself, and he was trained immediately.  We could even take the 40 minute trip to my parents' house without any accidents.  By his third birthday he was trained. 

I have a feeling my daughter's experience with the potty will be quite different.  At some point around the start of turning two she did go a few times and we clapped and cheered for her.  I really thought she was going to be consistent and be trained early but she gave up rather quickly.  Again, I didn't want to push her or force her.  She'll also get it when she's ready and willing. 

She's 29 months old and still not interested nor willing.  That's okay, right?  They say girls are easier to train then boys.  (Insert laughter here) That's certainly not the case in this house. 

My daughter is very indecisive.  She'll tell me she wants to use the potty but as soon as I take her into the bathroom she says "No, go in my diaper!"  Then I take her out of the bathroom and she points to the bathroom and cries for the potty.  Then again it's "no potty, in my diaper."  She's also very strong-willed and wants to fight me over everything.  It's okay though.  She's not quite two and a half yet.  As much as I'd like to say bye-bye to diapers I know my daughter will be potty trained in her own time. 

I did buy underwear for her.  Size 2T Disney princess underwear that I thought she would love and be willing to wear.  I slipped a pair of Rapunzel undies on this morning and she did well for awhile.  She refused to sit on the potty and I had hoped she would at least tell me if she had to go.  After a few hours she did tell me.  She held her legs together and said "go potty."  I grabbed her and we ran to the bathroom and I sat her on the potty.  At first she fought with me but then she sat down and I clapped for her.  She didn't do anything but I wanted her to see my excitement in regards to her effort.  She gave up after a few minutes and left nothing in the potty.  Well, then I came to find she had already peed ... on the floor in the living room.  Ugh.  Underwear trick = Fail!

I'm not willing to get frustrated over this.  Potty training comes easy for some little ones but not others.  Like I said, it will happen when she's ready and I'm okay with waiting.  

Happy Homemaker Monday - 1/27/14

 Good morning readers and thanks for stopping by!  I decided to get HHM started early.  I usually do this while my daughter is napping and my son is in school but he has an early dismissal today and will be getting home before I lay the little one down.  I will be busy with no time for myself.  I'm hoping this week turns out better than last.  With all the snow we had my son only had school on Thursday and Friday.  He also had a cold and then passed it on to my daughter who is still fighting it.  When she's sick she doesn't sleep well.  It's been rough but we made it through thanks be to God.  

So here we go, linking up again with Diary of A Stay At Home Mom. 

As I look outside my window:
The sun is bright but it's a bitter 28 degrees outside.  That actually feels like a heat wave compared to how cold it has been lately.  Snow is laying on the ground. 

Right now I am:
Drinking coffee, typing this blog and watching The Fresh Beat Band with my two year old.  It's her new TV obsession and since it's on early in the morning we DVR it and she can watch it anytime. 

Thinking and pondering:
My husband will be having hip surgery in March and he won't be on his feet for several weeks after that.  I'm more than willing to do all I can to take care of him while taking care of the house and kids but there are some things around the house I'd like to get done beforehand.  I am not so good at showing my emotions to him but it really is hard for me to see my husband in this condition.  He's gone through a lot of physical pain throughout his life. 

On my bedside table:
My Bible
A Marriage After God's Own Heart by David Clarke.  I bought this book just before getting married 12 years ago but I thought it would be good to pull it off the bookshelf and read it again. 

On my tv tonight:
Probably Cake Boss and Bakery Boss which seems to be our usual Monday night viewing lately, but we also skip around to other channels to see what's on. 

Listening to:
The Fresh Beat Band.  It's a show on NickJR with four people who sing and dance.  The tunes are kind of catchy.  My husband teases me because I get into it so much. 

On the menu:
Tonight we will be meeting my parents, again, at Chuck E Cheese.  I swear my parents love the place more than my kids do. 

On my to do list:
Finish laundry
More organizing and cleaning

Plans for this week:
Chuck E Cheese
Story time at the library on Thursday.

January is such a boring month for me.  I'm so glad it's almost over.

What I am sewing, crocheting, knitting or creating:
Nothing this week.

My simple pleasure:
A hot cup of coffee.

Lesson learned the past week:
It's important to forgive others even if they don't deserve it.  Not for them but so I can have peace for myself. 

Looking around the house:
My daughter is sitting on the couch drinking orange juice and watching her show.  Toys are in it's proper place for once.  I love a clean house!

From the camera:

Prayer list:

~My husband's physical healing.
~Strength and wisdom in knowing how to deal with my very strong-willed and indecisive two year old.  She is constantly changing her mind on what she wants.  "I wanna go potty" Then I take her into the bathroom and she says, "I don't wanna go potty." So we leave the bathroom and she yells. "I wanna go potty."  She's like this with everything and it drives me crazy.  She's also a tough girl and has no trouble verbalizing her frustrations.  It leaves me feeling so mentally exhausted.  My son was never this way at age 2.
~My son and how to deal with his own behavior issues.
~Constant prayer for my spiritual walk and the spiritual life of my children.

Bible verse/devotional:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith." - Galatians 5:22

"Snow Is Awesome"

Well, I certainly don't think snow is awesome but my two year old daughter does.  She also says she likes it "ice cold."  She definitely doesn't get that from either her mommy or daddy, that's for sure. 

Because of all the snow we've been getting today is the first day my son has been in school this week.  Also, the early dismissal was changed to a full day and tomorrow he will be getting out early.  I enjoyed having him home.  We snuggled, worked on some school work, watched movies, set up an indoor picnic lunch yesterday and ... yes ... played outside in the snow. 

It was below zero yesterday but the kids insisted on having some fun in the puffy white stuff.  I was tired of being inside and took advantage of some outdoor fun even though it was freezing. 

As I'm typing this a little more snow is falling and there is another storm in the forecast for next week.  Ugh.  Enough already!  Honestly, I'm glad I live in a state that allows me to experience all four seasons but I'm more of a warm weather person and I'm counting the days until spring arrives. 

56 days to be exact!

Happy Homemaker Monday - January 20, 2014

Linking up again with Diary of A Stay At Home Mom for HHM. 

As I look outside my window:
I don't have to even be outside to see how cold it is.  It looks cold.  It's about 20 degrees and there are small patches of snow laying here and there.  There is more snow in the forecast for tomorrow.  4 - 8 inches.  Yuck!  At least the kids love playing in it. 

Right now I am:
Sipping on a cup of coffee, watching the news and typing this up.  Little one is still sleeping and my son, who has the day off of school, has been spending the long weekend at my parents' house.  I will be meeting them for lunch at Chuck E Cheese and taking him home from there.  I miss him. 

Thinking and pondering:
About what needs done this week and what I want to make for dinner tonight.

On my bedside table:
My Bible, both my kids' baby books which still needs updating, a kindle with lots of stories I'm not in the mood to read.

On my tv tonight:
Probably just Cake Boss and Bakery Boss.

Listening to:
The news.

On the menu for this week:
I'm seriously going to skip this right now.  Sorry.  I'll figure it out.

On my to do list:
Figure out what to make for dinner tonight and the rest of the week.
Daily exercise
Laundry
House cleaning

Plans for this week:
Meeting my parents for lunch today and bringing my son home.
My son has two days off and two early dismissals this week.  Although with the snow in the forecast tomorrow, which would be his only full day, I'm sure they will be closed.  Lots of fun with him to be had!
Story time at the library with my girl.

What I am sewing, crocheting, knitting or creating:
Nothing as of now.

My simple pleasure:
I have probably said all I can think of in previous weeks so I may end up repeating myself.  I love sitting with a cup of hot coffee and enjoying the silence before the chaos of the day starts.

Lesson learned the past week:
Let go and give it to God.

Looking around the house:
Still have my son's Christmas drawings hanging on the walls, toys stacked up in the corner of the room, the sun is trying to peak through the living room window. 

From the camera:

 Prayer list:
My children
My patience
My husband
My family and friends

Bible verse/devotional:

"Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret, it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land." - Psalms 37:7-9

Finding Joy As A Stay-At-Home Mom

Being a stay-at-home mom is great and has many benefits but let's face it, sometimes it gets exhausting.  I love my children and I feel blessed to have this opportunity to stay home in the last six years.  The jump from having a full-time office job to being at home all day was quite a change. I'm not going to lie.  Aside from when my husband is home I have little to no adult interaction.  We are trying to get by on one income so I never have much money to go places and do things.  Even if things are free the cost of gassing up the car is a lot.  So often I have gone days without going anywhere.  If you're stuck at home day after day the walls start to feel like they are caving in.  Do you know that feeling?

In the last six years of being a SAHM (acronym for stay-at-home mom) I have tried so hard to make the best of it.  I love playing with the kids, teaching them things, turning up the music and dancing with them, coloring, etc.  I try to come up with new games and ideas that we can do together.  By the time I put them to bed at night I am exhausted and feel ready to collapse.

You know, I've heard a lot of mothers complain about being a stay-at-home mom and how they hate being bored or they miss the adult interaction and conversations with friends.  I've been there ... I'm still there ... and I get that.  Totally.  However as I look at my six year old I realize how quickly time is going.  He is in school now and spends the day with other people.  It wasn't until I put him on the bus for the first time that I realized just how quickly he's growing up.  My daughter will be ready to start her journey to school in a few years and I will be left with no kids at home during the day.  Once they are both in school and I'm back to work I know I will be looking back on this time of my life and think Wow that was a great time in my life and I miss it.  I know I'm going to miss it so I've decided to just take the bad with the good and make the best of it.  Time does fly after all.

Even though there are times when I want to pull every strand of hair out of my head I know there are still plenty of good things about being a stay-at-home mom.  I can probably name at least 10.

1. Getting to witness all of their firsts - their first smile, the first time rolling over, the first crawl and the first steps.  
2. Being at home all day gives us plenty of chances to snuggle.
3. Not having to deal with office politics or the drama and gossip that goes with being in an office.  Yeah, I don't miss that one at all!
4. I don't have to rush to get dressed and be somewhere at a certain time.  I can create my own schedule.
5. Plenty of chances to take the kids to the park or somewhere fun (when the weather is nice).
6. Having every chance to watch my children as their minds grow and discover new things.
7. I am always here when the kids need me.  I don't have to rely on anyone else to tend to their needs.
8.  Kids are only little for so long and I get to enjoy every moment of the day with them.
9. Being able to put my son on and take him off the bus every day and if he's sick and needs to stay home or has a scheduled day off then I'm already home.
10. Not having to worry if they are okay and being treated well.  Of course this is different for my son now that he's in school but through the baby and toddler years I didn't have those worries. 

Yes it's tough at times but there really are so many things we can think of that makes us realize just how wonderful being a stay-at-home mom is.  I really do love this job and I wouldn't want it any other way.

If being at home all day stressed you out or has you feeling monotonous I encourage you to find the good things in it.  Take my 10 as examples and add some more if you wish.  If you're a newbie SAHM it's very hard to see just how quickly the years will go and just how fast your precious little ones will grow up.  Embrace and enjoy every moment.  It is going by way too fast.

Also, if you feel stuck at home as I have many times try to find different things to do outside of the house.  If it's nice weather take your little one(s) to a local park.  A trip to the library is also fun.  Most libraries offer a free story time on certain days of the week.  And always, always, always try to take time for yourself.  Enjoy some quiet time and also find chances to be with friends.  Those adult conversations are so helpful.  I love whenever I have an opportunity to get together with a friend.  

Not An Attachment Parent

I have heard the term "attachment parenting" used quite often and it seems there are so many mom blogs about it.  I actually came across a blog recently where the woman refers to herself as a detachment parent.  I thought to myself, wow finally a blog about parenting that I can relate to.

What is attachment parenting?  It's when the parents focus on breastfeeding (and sometimes through toddlerhood) co-sleep, carry their baby around everywhere and do everything for the children, etc.  Do I think there is anything wrong with that parenting method?  Absolutely not; however some of these things tend to teach the child to be too dependent on their parents for everything and not just through their young lives but throughout their entire lives.  I've seen too many teenagers and young adults who expect their parents and the rest of the world to do everything for them.  Isn't it better to teach our children to be independent, self-sufficient individuals?

Co-sleeping is a big one I have issues with.  Both of my babies slept in a bassinet next to my bed for the first few months.  They never slept in bed with us.  There are too many safety issues associated with babies sleeping in the same bed as their parents, including rolling over on the little one and suffocating them to death.  I also believe that children do best when they sleep in their own bed (and parents do too).  I hear a lot of parents complain about having restless nights because the child that lays in bed with them all night tosses and turns making it hard for the parents to get a full night of sleep.  I've also heard parents complain because once they decided to train their children to sleep in their own bed often led to unsuccessful results, especially in the beginning.  Children learn to be accustomed to their environment.  Keep a child in bed with you and that's what they will want.  Keep a  child in their own bed and they will get used to that.  Also, what about a couple's sex life?  How do you have sex with your child in the same bed?  This was also mentioned in the blog I read and I completely agree.  Sleep training is easiest when it's done as soon as possible. 

Like I said, my babies were in the room with us for the first few months.  They were so small and I wasn't comfortable having newborn infants sleep in a huge crib yet.  They were also getting up frequently for those night time feedings and until I felt they were ready to sleep through the night without being fed I kept them close to me.  Then after those first few months I realized it was time to get them in their own room and in their own crib.  We set up a camera that aimed directly to the crib and we could watch as they slept from our bedroom television.  The experts recommend rocking the baby until they are tired but not yet sleeping and then put them down in the crib.  I did exactly that.  The first few nights were tough.  As soon as I laid them down they started to cry.  This is where the cry-it-out method came in.  I know a lot of mothers cringe at the thought of letting a little baby cry but sometimes it's the best thing to do and it doesn't hurt them.  For the first few nights they both cried for awhile but then fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.  After those few nights putting them to bed seemed to be a breeze.  I laid them down and they quickly closed their eyes and fell asleep without a peep.  Unless they were teething or are sick they have never gotten up throughout the night.  Of course, when it comes to having some pain or sickness I do wake up and tend to them.  However if I knew they were crying just for attention or just because they wanted to get up and play I let them go and after a short time they'd fall back asleep.  If you pick your baby up with every cry and whimper they will become used to it and know that all they have to do is cry and whimper to get the attention they want.  It can wear a parent out. 

I'm not completely against the whole attachment parenting method.  It's more of a hands on, gentle approach which is sometimes the thing that kids need to be comforted and feel secure.  I just think sometimes some parents go a little too overboard and it creates contingent children who become too dependent on others to do the things for them that they can certainly learn to do for themselves. Of course I'm always there to kiss those boo boos and hug my children when they want some affection but when it comes to doing things, like getting dressed and eating, I'd rather they learn to do all that themselves.  I won't always be around to help them.