Not An Attachment Parent

I have heard the term "attachment parenting" used quite often and it seems there are so many mom blogs about it.  I actually came across a blog recently where the woman refers to herself as a detachment parent.  I thought to myself, wow finally a blog about parenting that I can relate to.

What is attachment parenting?  It's when the parents focus on breastfeeding (and sometimes through toddlerhood) co-sleep, carry their baby around everywhere and do everything for the children, etc.  Do I think there is anything wrong with that parenting method?  Absolutely not; however some of these things tend to teach the child to be too dependent on their parents for everything and not just through their young lives but throughout their entire lives.  I've seen too many teenagers and young adults who expect their parents and the rest of the world to do everything for them.  Isn't it better to teach our children to be independent, self-sufficient individuals?

Co-sleeping is a big one I have issues with.  Both of my babies slept in a bassinet next to my bed for the first few months.  They never slept in bed with us.  There are too many safety issues associated with babies sleeping in the same bed as their parents, including rolling over on the little one and suffocating them to death.  I also believe that children do best when they sleep in their own bed (and parents do too).  I hear a lot of parents complain about having restless nights because the child that lays in bed with them all night tosses and turns making it hard for the parents to get a full night of sleep.  I've also heard parents complain because once they decided to train their children to sleep in their own bed often led to unsuccessful results, especially in the beginning.  Children learn to be accustomed to their environment.  Keep a child in bed with you and that's what they will want.  Keep a  child in their own bed and they will get used to that.  Also, what about a couple's sex life?  How do you have sex with your child in the same bed?  This was also mentioned in the blog I read and I completely agree.  Sleep training is easiest when it's done as soon as possible. 

Like I said, my babies were in the room with us for the first few months.  They were so small and I wasn't comfortable having newborn infants sleep in a huge crib yet.  They were also getting up frequently for those night time feedings and until I felt they were ready to sleep through the night without being fed I kept them close to me.  Then after those first few months I realized it was time to get them in their own room and in their own crib.  We set up a camera that aimed directly to the crib and we could watch as they slept from our bedroom television.  The experts recommend rocking the baby until they are tired but not yet sleeping and then put them down in the crib.  I did exactly that.  The first few nights were tough.  As soon as I laid them down they started to cry.  This is where the cry-it-out method came in.  I know a lot of mothers cringe at the thought of letting a little baby cry but sometimes it's the best thing to do and it doesn't hurt them.  For the first few nights they both cried for awhile but then fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.  After those few nights putting them to bed seemed to be a breeze.  I laid them down and they quickly closed their eyes and fell asleep without a peep.  Unless they were teething or are sick they have never gotten up throughout the night.  Of course, when it comes to having some pain or sickness I do wake up and tend to them.  However if I knew they were crying just for attention or just because they wanted to get up and play I let them go and after a short time they'd fall back asleep.  If you pick your baby up with every cry and whimper they will become used to it and know that all they have to do is cry and whimper to get the attention they want.  It can wear a parent out. 

I'm not completely against the whole attachment parenting method.  It's more of a hands on, gentle approach which is sometimes the thing that kids need to be comforted and feel secure.  I just think sometimes some parents go a little too overboard and it creates contingent children who become too dependent on others to do the things for them that they can certainly learn to do for themselves. Of course I'm always there to kiss those boo boos and hug my children when they want some affection but when it comes to doing things, like getting dressed and eating, I'd rather they learn to do all that themselves.  I won't always be around to help them.