In the car I turned on my new Duck Dynasty "Duck The Halls" CD. It was one of my Christmas gifts and I love it. The songs, mostly traditional Christmas songs, bring me enjoyment. I must say the Robertson family did an excellent job with all of the music. I was quite surprised. As the music played I could hear my two year old in the back singing bits and pieces of Silent Night. It totally blew me away. Then she started mumbling something about the baby Jesus. This really had me thinking ...
I often wonder if I am giving enough of myself to God. I haven't been as in tuned with my spiritual life as I have been years ago and I'm afraid my lack of showing faith will rub off on my children. They know God and know who Jesus is. My son willingly says the "God is great, God is good ..." prayer at the dinner table and sometimes my daughter joins in. There is a painting of Jesus hanging in our hallway and every night before bed my daughter wants to give him a kiss; although in the last few nights as I carry her to her room she says, "I don't wanna kiss Jesus." We attend church, but not regularly. Our most recent reason for being so inconsistent with our attendance is because the little one doesn't sit quietly throughout the hour and refuses to play in the nursery. Instead of trying we've almost given up and I hate that we've allowed that to happen.
I was raised going to church but I was never truly taught who God was and what He wanted from me. I had been taught that God is there but my life is to be lived for me and I have the free will to do whatever I want to do. I was never taught about the eternal consequences that would take place if I didn't follow a life for Jesus. It wasn't until the age of 19 when I met some serious believers, read the Bible and attended Bible studies that I found what the truth was. I asked God to enter my heart and to forgive me of my sins, I prayed as often as I could, attended different churches with friends and did my best to live a good wholesome life. I married a God fearing man and the two of us decided we would have a marriage with God as the center. Let's face it, we have both lacked in doing what we promised. When my heart felt ready for a baby I prayed and prayed asking God to give me a child if it was in His will. I promised to raise my child(ren) to know Him and follow Him. During my first pregnancy I would place my hands around my stomach and prayed for the child. Then I would hold that infant in my arms and pray as I rocked him to sleep. Then ...
I don't know what happened but God suddenly fell on my back burner. Not only would I forget to pray before falling asleep but I would often forget to pray at any point during the day. This is when attending church became rare and my Bible began to collect dust. I still had faith and I still believed but I wasn't giving God my all anymore. I was so consumed in the busyness of life and would forget to pause and give thanks to God. He was no longer the center of my marriage, my parenting, my daily decision making or anything. Somehow along the way I became an impatient, easily angered, short-tempered person and it's affecting everyone around me, including my children. Not good.
As of lately I've been talking to God a lot and telling Him my sorrows. I've been asking for forgiveness and help. I have in mind the kind of person I want to be but I'm not there yet. I don't want to lose my cool when something doesn't go right. I want to be the mother that not only prays for my children but prays with them. I also want to pray with my husband and share our spiritual life together as we used to. I want to remember to thank God for everything. I was put on this earth for Him and I want to live for Him and do all I'm supposed to do.
I am NOT giving enough. It's time to change that.
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