Finding Joy As A Stay-At-Home Mom

Being a stay-at-home mom is great and has many benefits but let's face it, sometimes it gets exhausting.  I love my children and I feel blessed to have this opportunity to stay home in the last six years.  The jump from having a full-time office job to being at home all day was quite a change. I'm not going to lie.  Aside from when my husband is home I have little to no adult interaction.  We are trying to get by on one income so I never have much money to go places and do things.  Even if things are free the cost of gassing up the car is a lot.  So often I have gone days without going anywhere.  If you're stuck at home day after day the walls start to feel like they are caving in.  Do you know that feeling?

In the last six years of being a SAHM (acronym for stay-at-home mom) I have tried so hard to make the best of it.  I love playing with the kids, teaching them things, turning up the music and dancing with them, coloring, etc.  I try to come up with new games and ideas that we can do together.  By the time I put them to bed at night I am exhausted and feel ready to collapse.

You know, I've heard a lot of mothers complain about being a stay-at-home mom and how they hate being bored or they miss the adult interaction and conversations with friends.  I've been there ... I'm still there ... and I get that.  Totally.  However as I look at my six year old I realize how quickly time is going.  He is in school now and spends the day with other people.  It wasn't until I put him on the bus for the first time that I realized just how quickly he's growing up.  My daughter will be ready to start her journey to school in a few years and I will be left with no kids at home during the day.  Once they are both in school and I'm back to work I know I will be looking back on this time of my life and think Wow that was a great time in my life and I miss it.  I know I'm going to miss it so I've decided to just take the bad with the good and make the best of it.  Time does fly after all.

Even though there are times when I want to pull every strand of hair out of my head I know there are still plenty of good things about being a stay-at-home mom.  I can probably name at least 10.

1. Getting to witness all of their firsts - their first smile, the first time rolling over, the first crawl and the first steps.  
2. Being at home all day gives us plenty of chances to snuggle.
3. Not having to deal with office politics or the drama and gossip that goes with being in an office.  Yeah, I don't miss that one at all!
4. I don't have to rush to get dressed and be somewhere at a certain time.  I can create my own schedule.
5. Plenty of chances to take the kids to the park or somewhere fun (when the weather is nice).
6. Having every chance to watch my children as their minds grow and discover new things.
7. I am always here when the kids need me.  I don't have to rely on anyone else to tend to their needs.
8.  Kids are only little for so long and I get to enjoy every moment of the day with them.
9. Being able to put my son on and take him off the bus every day and if he's sick and needs to stay home or has a scheduled day off then I'm already home.
10. Not having to worry if they are okay and being treated well.  Of course this is different for my son now that he's in school but through the baby and toddler years I didn't have those worries. 

Yes it's tough at times but there really are so many things we can think of that makes us realize just how wonderful being a stay-at-home mom is.  I really do love this job and I wouldn't want it any other way.

If being at home all day stressed you out or has you feeling monotonous I encourage you to find the good things in it.  Take my 10 as examples and add some more if you wish.  If you're a newbie SAHM it's very hard to see just how quickly the years will go and just how fast your precious little ones will grow up.  Embrace and enjoy every moment.  It is going by way too fast.

Also, if you feel stuck at home as I have many times try to find different things to do outside of the house.  If it's nice weather take your little one(s) to a local park.  A trip to the library is also fun.  Most libraries offer a free story time on certain days of the week.  And always, always, always try to take time for yourself.  Enjoy some quiet time and also find chances to be with friends.  Those adult conversations are so helpful.  I love whenever I have an opportunity to get together with a friend.  

Staying Home With Kids Or Not

I was browsing through a parenting magazine that I receive every month and came across a very interesting article about working moms vs. stay-at-home moms.  It was talking about the difference between the two; the benefits and the disadvantages.  The guilt that both sides face.  They also discussed the term "mommy wars" which is something that has been going on for many years.  I don't understand it.  Whether or not we choose to stay at home or go to work after having children is a decision we make that is best for our family.  Just as deciding to formula feed or breastfeed is our decision that needs no criticizing.  Most mothers work because they need the money for bills or they need the insurance.  That's very understandable.  Some mothers choose to work so they can use that money towards family vacations or their children's college education.  I can understand that one too.  I mean, the cost of living is insane and the cost of college tuition is crazy.  I admire all working mothers no matter what the decision may be ... except one. 

Yes, I'm going to write about this. 

In the article were a list of reasons why women choose to work or stay home.  One answer from a working mom seemed to confuse me and it's an excuse I've heard a few of my mommy friends make. 

I couldn't be a stay-at-home mother because being at home all day with the kids would drive me crazy. 

I don't even know what to say on that.  If your only reason for going to work is to get away from your kids then I have to ask why did you even have kids to begin with? 

My decision to be a stay-at-home mom was simply because the cost of daycare was more than we wanted to pay.  I mean, if I would have gone back to my job most of the paycheck would have gone to childcare and it didn't seem worth it to either me or my husband.  Also, we both believed that my time would be better spent at home with the kids until they both went to school.  I can't say being at home with them all day/every day is easy.  There are moments when I feel I'm about to lose my patience.  A good example is this morning when I couldn't get my twenty-three month old to settle down from one temper tantrum after another.  She's almost two and is at the age where she's testing her limits and not understanding why she can't have her way.  My son never acted up like this so handling this behavior is something I'm new at and learning how to deal with.  Being at home is very monotonous.  It isn't often I get a break and yes I do feel it's important for every mother to have me time.  But to say out loud that you would go crazy if you were home with them all day?  I just don't get it.  It sounds cruel to me.  Trust me, I know all about "going crazy" from time to time.  It's not easy; however, I would never choose to put work or anything else before my kids simply because I couldn't stand to be around them. 

I don't mean to push anyone's buttons here.  I know this is a sensitive topic for most mothers.  These "mommy wars" are ridiculous.  Deciding to be at home or to go to work doesn't make you better.  You do what works for you and your family.  I have a mix of working moms and stay-at-home friends and family that I admire very much.  It's the whole "I have to work because my kids would drive me insane" attitude that rubs me the wrong way. 

Enjoy every moment you have with your children whether it be all day or just a few hours a day because they grow up too quickly.  It's completely worth it. 

Life As A Stay-At-Home Mom

As soon as my husband and I discussed the idea of starting a family he said, "I will try and do what I can to make sure you stay home with them."  He was very adamant about it.  I was delighted that my husband was willing to allow me to do such a thing; however, it didn't seem realistic at the time.  We had recently purchased a house and aside from the mortgage had a tremendous amount of bills piling up.  How were we going to make this work on one income? 

Willingly and inarguably my husband, who was already a full-time accountant, picked up a second job.  I hated the fact that he had so much financial pressure built on him but it was solely his decision and he didn't want it any other way.  Then in 2007 our first blessing came into the world.  It didn't make sense for me to return to work after my maternity leave had ended.  Most, if not all, of my salary would have ended up going to daycare or a private babysitter.  It just didn't make sense to return to the job.  So I quit and became a stay-at-home mom.

I will confess this has been a hard transition for me.  I was so used to rushing out the door in the morning and spent 8 hours a day surrounded by adults, paperwork and lots of gossip (I hate gossip so leaving that behind was pretty spectacular).  My life became excessive diaper changes, feedings and trying to calm down a fussy baby, with no breaks.  I had little time to myself and no adult interaction.  It was often frustrating but I knew for my son, and now daughter too, it's beneficial and the best thing I can offer them at this time.

In order to make being a SAHM (the acronym for Stay-At-Home Mom) work we've had to make a lot of sacrifices.  Neither of us own a Smart phone, a brand new car and only eat out occasionally.  We clip coupons and try to buy items only if they are on sale.  I use cloth diapers on my daughter, not consistently but every time we are at home.   Not having to run out and buy disposable diapers all the time saves us a huge load of money.  Materialistic things aren't of importance to neither me or my husband.  If we can live without it then we don't need it.

Even though we've had to make plenty of sacrifices in order to make our one-income lifestyle work it's been extremely worth it.  I enjoy being my children's caregiver 24/7.  I have experienced every milestone, kissed every boo boo, and wiped every teary eye so far.  It has been a joy being able to stay with them each and every day but we do experience those bad days.  Admittedly, a bad day at home is better than a horrible day in an outside job.  Yes, it does get monotonous and mundane at times but it's been such an awarding experience for me and my children.

Aside from all this, I have nothing but the utmost respect for those working mothers too.  I have heard several of my friends say they wish they could stay at home with their children.  I admit there are times when I wish I could go to work so I could have that break and also help with the financial end of things.  The plan is that once both children are in school full-time I will return to the working world, and possibly sooner if I can find something that won't interfere with my husband's schedule or the time we get to spend as a family.  Whether you're a stay-at-home mom or a working mom the choice is yours.  Some families need to have that extra income and the mothers have no choice.  Some moms, who do have a choice, decide it's better for them to work so they can have that money for leisure or save it for their child's college education (and we all know how expensive college is.  Yikes).  I admire any mother and the decisions they make.

With that being said, there are also a lot of misconceptions about stay-at-home mothers as there is with working mothers.  Here are a few I find amusing and my response:

We are lazy.  We sleep in and then spend all day watching television.  I had more of an opportunity to be lazy before I had children.  I may take a few minutes throughout the day to check my email, Facebook and blog but most of my day is spent caring for the children and cleaning the house.  My daughter is awake every morning by 6 am.  If I'm lucky she'll stay in bed until 6:30 am.  That's not what I call sleeping in.  From there I'm on my feet doing all I can to make sure my children and the house are taken care of.  When the television is on it's PBS, Nick Jr. or The Disney Channel.  When my kids are napping the TV is turned off because by that point I'm sick of seeing it.  The only TV viewing I watch is in the evening with my husband once the kids are tucked into bed. That's my relaxation time but by then I'm too tired to enjoy it.

The house must be spotless since we're always home.  The house is never spotless because it's always lived in.  I can spend a lot of time during the day cleaning but by the end of the day it looks like I haven't touched a thing.  I have yet to find a way to maintain a clean home while making sure all the kids needs are met.  In the meantime, it often looks like a tornado blew through here. 

Only rich people can be stay-at-home mothers.  No, as I've stated before, we sacrifice.

We don't do anything important.  I guess raising our children isn't important?  I spend the day teaching my children everything that is essential in order to make it into the real world independently someday.  Of course a working mother does that too but this is something that is solely left up to me without help from others.

Without being in daycare the children will not have social skills.   This is about as dumb as when I hear people say kids who are home schooled don't get social skills either.  Even though we are at home with our children there are plenty of ways and opportunities to give our children the socializing they need whether it be with play groups, preschool or some type of sports program.  It's up to the parents to decide when and if the children get to interact with others and how much they get to do so.

I have been enjoying my time with my children immensely.  I see how quickly they are both growing up.  In a few months our son Matthew will begin preschool and our daughter Brianna will be celebrating her first birthday.  There will be a time when they are in school and then off on their own as adults and I want to be able to look back on this time and know I did the right thing.