Finding Joy As A Stay-At-Home Mom

Being a stay-at-home mom is great and has many benefits but let's face it, sometimes it gets exhausting.  I love my children and I feel blessed to have this opportunity to stay home in the last six years.  The jump from having a full-time office job to being at home all day was quite a change. I'm not going to lie.  Aside from when my husband is home I have little to no adult interaction.  We are trying to get by on one income so I never have much money to go places and do things.  Even if things are free the cost of gassing up the car is a lot.  So often I have gone days without going anywhere.  If you're stuck at home day after day the walls start to feel like they are caving in.  Do you know that feeling?

In the last six years of being a SAHM (acronym for stay-at-home mom) I have tried so hard to make the best of it.  I love playing with the kids, teaching them things, turning up the music and dancing with them, coloring, etc.  I try to come up with new games and ideas that we can do together.  By the time I put them to bed at night I am exhausted and feel ready to collapse.

You know, I've heard a lot of mothers complain about being a stay-at-home mom and how they hate being bored or they miss the adult interaction and conversations with friends.  I've been there ... I'm still there ... and I get that.  Totally.  However as I look at my six year old I realize how quickly time is going.  He is in school now and spends the day with other people.  It wasn't until I put him on the bus for the first time that I realized just how quickly he's growing up.  My daughter will be ready to start her journey to school in a few years and I will be left with no kids at home during the day.  Once they are both in school and I'm back to work I know I will be looking back on this time of my life and think Wow that was a great time in my life and I miss it.  I know I'm going to miss it so I've decided to just take the bad with the good and make the best of it.  Time does fly after all.

Even though there are times when I want to pull every strand of hair out of my head I know there are still plenty of good things about being a stay-at-home mom.  I can probably name at least 10.

1. Getting to witness all of their firsts - their first smile, the first time rolling over, the first crawl and the first steps.  
2. Being at home all day gives us plenty of chances to snuggle.
3. Not having to deal with office politics or the drama and gossip that goes with being in an office.  Yeah, I don't miss that one at all!
4. I don't have to rush to get dressed and be somewhere at a certain time.  I can create my own schedule.
5. Plenty of chances to take the kids to the park or somewhere fun (when the weather is nice).
6. Having every chance to watch my children as their minds grow and discover new things.
7. I am always here when the kids need me.  I don't have to rely on anyone else to tend to their needs.
8.  Kids are only little for so long and I get to enjoy every moment of the day with them.
9. Being able to put my son on and take him off the bus every day and if he's sick and needs to stay home or has a scheduled day off then I'm already home.
10. Not having to worry if they are okay and being treated well.  Of course this is different for my son now that he's in school but through the baby and toddler years I didn't have those worries. 

Yes it's tough at times but there really are so many things we can think of that makes us realize just how wonderful being a stay-at-home mom is.  I really do love this job and I wouldn't want it any other way.

If being at home all day stressed you out or has you feeling monotonous I encourage you to find the good things in it.  Take my 10 as examples and add some more if you wish.  If you're a newbie SAHM it's very hard to see just how quickly the years will go and just how fast your precious little ones will grow up.  Embrace and enjoy every moment.  It is going by way too fast.

Also, if you feel stuck at home as I have many times try to find different things to do outside of the house.  If it's nice weather take your little one(s) to a local park.  A trip to the library is also fun.  Most libraries offer a free story time on certain days of the week.  And always, always, always try to take time for yourself.  Enjoy some quiet time and also find chances to be with friends.  Those adult conversations are so helpful.  I love whenever I have an opportunity to get together with a friend.  

Not An Attachment Parent

I have heard the term "attachment parenting" used quite often and it seems there are so many mom blogs about it.  I actually came across a blog recently where the woman refers to herself as a detachment parent.  I thought to myself, wow finally a blog about parenting that I can relate to.

What is attachment parenting?  It's when the parents focus on breastfeeding (and sometimes through toddlerhood) co-sleep, carry their baby around everywhere and do everything for the children, etc.  Do I think there is anything wrong with that parenting method?  Absolutely not; however some of these things tend to teach the child to be too dependent on their parents for everything and not just through their young lives but throughout their entire lives.  I've seen too many teenagers and young adults who expect their parents and the rest of the world to do everything for them.  Isn't it better to teach our children to be independent, self-sufficient individuals?

Co-sleeping is a big one I have issues with.  Both of my babies slept in a bassinet next to my bed for the first few months.  They never slept in bed with us.  There are too many safety issues associated with babies sleeping in the same bed as their parents, including rolling over on the little one and suffocating them to death.  I also believe that children do best when they sleep in their own bed (and parents do too).  I hear a lot of parents complain about having restless nights because the child that lays in bed with them all night tosses and turns making it hard for the parents to get a full night of sleep.  I've also heard parents complain because once they decided to train their children to sleep in their own bed often led to unsuccessful results, especially in the beginning.  Children learn to be accustomed to their environment.  Keep a child in bed with you and that's what they will want.  Keep a  child in their own bed and they will get used to that.  Also, what about a couple's sex life?  How do you have sex with your child in the same bed?  This was also mentioned in the blog I read and I completely agree.  Sleep training is easiest when it's done as soon as possible. 

Like I said, my babies were in the room with us for the first few months.  They were so small and I wasn't comfortable having newborn infants sleep in a huge crib yet.  They were also getting up frequently for those night time feedings and until I felt they were ready to sleep through the night without being fed I kept them close to me.  Then after those first few months I realized it was time to get them in their own room and in their own crib.  We set up a camera that aimed directly to the crib and we could watch as they slept from our bedroom television.  The experts recommend rocking the baby until they are tired but not yet sleeping and then put them down in the crib.  I did exactly that.  The first few nights were tough.  As soon as I laid them down they started to cry.  This is where the cry-it-out method came in.  I know a lot of mothers cringe at the thought of letting a little baby cry but sometimes it's the best thing to do and it doesn't hurt them.  For the first few nights they both cried for awhile but then fell asleep and stayed asleep all night.  After those few nights putting them to bed seemed to be a breeze.  I laid them down and they quickly closed their eyes and fell asleep without a peep.  Unless they were teething or are sick they have never gotten up throughout the night.  Of course, when it comes to having some pain or sickness I do wake up and tend to them.  However if I knew they were crying just for attention or just because they wanted to get up and play I let them go and after a short time they'd fall back asleep.  If you pick your baby up with every cry and whimper they will become used to it and know that all they have to do is cry and whimper to get the attention they want.  It can wear a parent out. 

I'm not completely against the whole attachment parenting method.  It's more of a hands on, gentle approach which is sometimes the thing that kids need to be comforted and feel secure.  I just think sometimes some parents go a little too overboard and it creates contingent children who become too dependent on others to do the things for them that they can certainly learn to do for themselves. Of course I'm always there to kiss those boo boos and hug my children when they want some affection but when it comes to doing things, like getting dressed and eating, I'd rather they learn to do all that themselves.  I won't always be around to help them. 

Happy Homemaker Monday - 1/13/2014

Linking up again with Diary of A Stay At Home Mom. 

As I look outside my window::

It's a pleasant 42 degrees outside and the sun is shining bright.  So weird how drastic this weather can change.  Last week it was below zero and today it's almost spring-like.  It's still chilly though but I see a lot of people outside walking their dogs.

Right now I am::

Waiting for the floor to dry.  I mopped the dining room/living room floor and now I have myself stuck on the couch until it dries.  So what better way to make this time useful then to write up my HHM post, right?  I've also been cleaning and reorganizing a little.  

Thinking and pondering::

Quite frankly, I'm trying not to do too much thinking right now.  For me too much thinking leads to those negative thoughts and puts me in a bad mood.  I'm really trying to change my perspective on things.  Sometimes it's good not to think. 

On my bedside table::

Nothing but my Bible.  I've been trying to get more serious in Scripture reading lately.  

On my tv tonight::

It seems lately on Monday nights we've been watching the new episodes of Cake Boss and Bakery Boss.  

Listening to::

The television which seems to just be background noise at the moment.  Aside from that I'm just enjoying a quiet house while my husband is at work, my son is at school and my daughter is napping.

On the menu::

I'm going to make some pork chops and veggies on the side.  I don't think I'm going to continue with writing down my menu plan for the entire week because I have yet to succeed at that.  I'm a last minute planner it seems.  

On my to do list::

Finish mopping the floor and putting everything back where it belongs.

Mop kitchen floor

Clean and reorganize each room in the house

Laundry

Pack Matthew's bag for his trip to NY this weekend with my parents

Plans for this week::

Matthew has two half days this week and on Friday my parents are picking him up and taking him to NY to visit family.  I'll miss him but he's excited to be able to spend time with his cousin Robby.

Meeting up with a few friends from high school on Sunday.   Was supposed to happen yesterday but one of the girls had other plans so we decided to change it until this weekend. 

What I am crocheting, knitting, sewing or creating::

Nothing right now but I am going through some ideas of things to make for Valentines Day next month.  

My simple pleasure::

Quiet times like right now.

Lesson learned the past week::

I've been continuing to learn how to give all of my troubles to God and to remember that my life is for Him and only His opinion of me matters.  I have to let what others think of me go and not worry about it.  

Looking around the house::

All of the toys are gathered in one pile while the rest of the floor dries from mopping it.  The Christmas decorations are gone so the living room looks bare.  

From the camera::

Prayer list::

My son's spiritual and emotional well being has been heavy on my heart lately.  Even though he's only in kindergarten he's being influenced by many and not always in a good way.  I pray that as he gets older and as he faces more influences and challenges that he will not stray from the teachings that his father and I give him.  

Both of my children.

My husband

My parents

Bible verse/Devotional::

 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -- Philippians 4:6

Am I Giving Enough?

Even though it's cold outside I decided I wanted to get out and do something.  I have ideas of things I want to create and thought the dollar store would be a great place to find what I needed.  So I bundled up the little one and we drove to the store.  I don't get out much so even a simple trip to the dollar store brings me excitement.  Pathetic, I know. 

In the car I turned on my new Duck Dynasty "Duck The Halls" CD.  It was one of my Christmas gifts and I love it.  The songs, mostly traditional Christmas songs, bring me enjoyment.  I must say the Robertson family did an excellent job with all of the music.  I was quite surprised.  As the music played I could hear my two year old in the back singing bits and pieces of Silent Night.  It totally blew me away.  Then she started mumbling something about the baby Jesus.  This really had me thinking ...

I often wonder if I am giving enough of myself to God.  I haven't been as in tuned with my spiritual life as I have been years ago and I'm afraid my lack of showing faith will rub off on my children.  They know God and know who Jesus is.  My son willingly says the "God is great, God is good ..." prayer at the dinner table and sometimes my daughter joins in.  There is a painting of Jesus hanging in our hallway and every night before bed my daughter wants to give him a kiss; although in the last few nights as I carry her to her room she says, "I don't wanna kiss Jesus."  We attend church, but not regularly.  Our most recent reason for being so inconsistent with our attendance is because the little one doesn't sit quietly throughout the hour and refuses to play in the nursery.  Instead of trying we've almost given up and I hate that we've allowed that to happen.

 

I was raised going to church but I was never truly taught who God was and what He wanted from me.  I had been taught that God is there but my life is to be lived for me and I have the free will to do whatever I want to do.  I was never taught about the eternal consequences that would take place if I didn't follow a life for Jesus.  It wasn't until the age of 19 when I met some serious believers, read the Bible and attended Bible studies that I found what the truth was.  I asked God to enter my heart and to forgive me of my sins, I prayed as often as I could, attended different churches with friends and did my best to live a good wholesome life.  I married a God fearing man and the two of us decided we would have a marriage with God as the center.  Let's face it, we have both lacked in doing what we promised.  When my heart felt ready for a baby I prayed and prayed asking God to give me a child if it was in His will.  I promised to raise my child(ren) to know Him and follow Him.  During my first pregnancy I would place my hands around my stomach and prayed for the child.  Then I would hold that infant in my arms and pray as I rocked him to sleep.  Then ...

I don't know what happened but God suddenly fell on my back burner.  Not only would I forget to pray before falling asleep but I would often forget to pray at any point during the day.  This is when attending church became rare and my Bible began to collect dust.  I still had faith and I still believed but I wasn't giving God my all anymore.  I was so consumed in the busyness of life and would forget to pause and give thanks to God.  He was no longer the center of my marriage, my parenting, my daily decision making or anything.  Somehow along the way I became an impatient, easily angered, short-tempered person and it's affecting everyone around me, including my children.  Not good.

As of lately I've been talking to God a lot and telling Him my sorrows.  I've been asking for forgiveness and help.  I have in mind the kind of person I want to be but I'm not there yet.  I don't want to lose my cool when something doesn't go right.  I want to be the mother that not only prays for my children but prays with them.  I also want to pray with my husband and share our spiritual life together as we used to.  I want to remember to thank God for everything.  I was put on this earth for Him and I want to live for Him and do all I'm supposed to do.  

I am NOT giving enough.  It's time to change that.  

Below Zero

We are experiencing record breaking freezing temperatures today.  It's so bad that all of the area schools are closed.  I can hear the wind howling outside as I type this. 

This is when our thermostat read - 14 this morning.  It's been below zero with a wind chill that makes it feel a lot colder.  As dreadful as this weather is I am trying to focus on the positive things like how fortunate I am to have a warm house to stay in.  Also that hot cup of coffee is more appreciated than ever.  Unfortunately my husband had to trek out in this disaster for work.  Poor guy. 

We've spent the morning entertaining our little friends from across the street.  The boys played video games while the girls attempted to put together a princess puzzle, played dolls and made a huge mess.  I don't mind the mess.  We enjoy the company of friends.  Now the three older ones are playing across the street while my little girl is napping. 

I have no intentions of going out today.  I don't like taking the little one outside when the temperature is so cold and it's giving me cabin fever.  The walls feel like they are caving in on me and at times I feel like I could lose my mind at any moment.  Then I remind myself that spring and summer will be here soon enough. 

Stay warm everyone!

Happy Homemaker Monday - 1/6/14

As I look outside my window::
It's about 30 degrees right now and the snow and ice are slowly melting.  This is actually warm compared to the negative temps we've been having lately.  Tomorrow it will drop drastically again.  Brrr.  I'm ready for winter to be over.

Right now I am::
Multitasking at its finest - typing this blog, preparing the lasagna for tonight's dinner (I like to get it prepared and stick it in the fridge until it's time to cook it later), putting away dishes and then I'll do some sweeping.  Little one is napping so this is the best time for me to get things done without any distractions.

Thinking and pondering::
About how wonderful life can be.  Even with all the challenges we're faced at least there are plenty of good things to be grateful for.

On my bedside table::
The Bible
I just finished reading A Thousand Tomorrows by Karen Kingsbury and I'm ready to download another book on the Kindle.

On my tv tonight::
Cake Boss

Listening to::
A mix of Contemporary Christian music on Pandora.  The Jennifer Knapp station.

On the menu for this week::
Still figuring it out.  I would like to make something in the crock pot one day and keep it all hot meals so we can stay warm on these cold winter days.  Also my dad mentioned wanting to meet at Chuck E Cheese sometime this weekend.

Monday - lasagna
Tuesday - pork chops
Wednesday -
Thursday -
Friday - homemade pizza
Saturday -
Sunday -

On my to do list::
Sign Matthew up for spring teeball
Exercise each day
Finish putting away all of the Christmas decorations.
Laundry
Deep cleaning the bathrooms and bedrooms
Regular housework

Plans for this week::
 Stay warm!
Take little one to story time at the library on Thursday
Some friends from high school want to get together again on Sunday but we haven't decided where to go.

What I am sewing, crocheting, knitting or creating::
Nothing at the moment.  Just focusing on getting all the decorations back into the attic and getting the house reorganized.

My simple pleasure::
A glass of wine.

Lessons learned the past week::
No one knows me better than I know myself so the opinions of others should not matter.  It seems there has been a lot of backstabbing and gossiping about me with certain people and yes it has bothered me.  How could it not?  However I've learned, with the help of my husband, that if anyone doesn't like me or like what I do then I shouldn't care or worry.  I'm going to live my life how I see fit and I can't please anyone nor should I try.

Looking around the house::
A mess of decorations that need put away, a floor that needs swept, toys all over and a pot of boiling water with lasagna noodles cooking on the stove.

From the camera::

Taken with my new camera.  This was the first time she let me put pigtails in her hair and she left it in for quite awhile.  I love the big, goofy smile she makes.

Prayer list::
My husband as he continues to go through a lot of pain and will need surgery soon.
My children
Personal issue within myself
Family & friends

Bible verse/Devotional::
"Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge" -- James 4:11

Joined in with the creator of Happy Homemaker Mondays  Diary of a Stay At Home Mom

Christmas Has Come And Gone

The holiday season is officially over and my husband is back to work and my son is back to school today.  The Christmas tree and all of the decorations are still out and my husband said he's not ready to put it all away yet.  Christmas comes and goes so quickly.  Aside from going to the in-law's, the local amusement park and Chuck E Cheese it was a pretty low key vacation and most of our time was spent here at home.  I wish we could have done more but it has been so cold outside.

We stayed at home on Christmas Eve and waited for Santa to come by on the firetruck.  By 8pm we heard the sirens and rushed outside to wait for him.  Then we went inside to put on pajamas, left milk and cookies out (I made soooo many cookies it's ridiculous) and then tucked the kids into bed.  I woke up on Christmas morning and found my son sitting under the tree holding his new gift from "Santa."  He wanted an electronic tablet and received just that.  He's a good boy and very deserving.  We woke up our daughter, who wasn't happy about having to get out of bed so early.  Even though she was cranky she had fun opening her gifts as her brother opened his.  We didn't buy them as much as we have in the past but they still got a lot.  Anytime we asked our daughter what she wanted for Christmas she kept saying, "a lollipop and M&M's."  It was so cute.  So yes that's what she got from "Santa" and also a stuffed Minnie Mouse doll.

My husband bought me the Duck Dynasty Christmas CD, a bottle of wine and a new camera.  The camera was a huge surprise and I love it.  The biggest regret was that I didn't buy much for him this year.  He deserves to be spoiled.  Next year for sure, babe!

After exchanging gifts I made breakfast for everyone and then laid the little one down for a nap.  After an hour I had to wake her up, again she wasn't happy about that.  We spent the afternoon and evening at my in-law's house.  My parents were on Long Island spending the holiday with the rest of my family so they came over a few days later to have Christmas with us.

We stayed home on New Year's Eve and Matthew insisted on staying up until midnight to watch the ball drop on T.V.  He made it, barely.  The three of us rang in the new year together while our daughter was asleep in her crib.

Now it's time to enjoy another new year.  The best has yet to come. 

By the way, I love my new camera.  It's a Nikon 1 J3.  I've never owned a Nikon before and it's been great so far.  There are so many features and options.  I'm still learning and hope to figure it all out so by spring and summer I can take the kids outside and get some great pictures of them.