One Hundred Percent

When I was preparing to marry the man of my dreams I had envisioned the type of wife I was going to be.  I imaged myself as one of those wives from the old television sitcoms where she stands in the kitchen with her hair perfectly done wearing an apron on top of her dress.  Oh yeah, and high heels too.  Then she enters into the living room holding a tray of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and with a big smile welcomes her husband home from a long day of work.  You know, like June Cleaver. 

Okay I may have embellished a little.  I am no June Cleaver and I do not even own an apron and it's rare you'll see me in a dress and since my husband is only three inches taller than me I don't bother to wear high heels.  Also, I haven't spent much time in the kitchen, especially in the beginning of our marriage. 

Realistically speaking I knew marriage was going to take a lot of work and I had to do my best to make sure I was committing every moment of my life to my husband and his needs.  A lot of people say that marriage is 50/50 but I have always believed differently.  Before I said "I do" I read several faith-based marital books to help give me some advice on how I could be an amazing spouse.  In one book the author talked about how we shouldn't think of marriage as being 50/50 but instead we give 100% of ourselves to our spouse.  It's definitely not an easy thing to do.  I can't tell you the number of times in the last eleven years that I've thought to myself, "why doesn't he do this for me? Why can't he see things the way I do?  I wish he would do this and that ..." Have I been giving 100% of myself to my husband.  Nah.  I've often been pretty selfish. 

My husband, on the other hand, seems to have this 100% thing down pat.  I have never heard him give the "why me?" question or beg for things to be done his way.  Since the beginning of our friendship he's always gone out of his way to make me happy forgetting that he has his own happiness to think about.  I tell you, he is the most selfless man I know.  He always says he works hard for his family.  Never have I heard him say he works for himself.  There are evenings when we rest on the couch and he rubs my feet and in the meantime he's dealing with pain from his arthritis.  He never thinks of himself.  Ever.  He's been an amazing husband who has definitely given that 100% to me.  Shamefully and admittedly I haven't done the same. 

I never realized how bad I was until a conversation we had last weekend.  I don't want to get into details of what this argument was about but after his response of, "you never compromise or consider my feelings," I really woke up.  In this particular situation I had only thought of myself and some others who were involved ... but not my husband.  It really made me feel bad and of course I apologized and promised to do better.  That man deserves so much more than I've given him or that I could even give him. 

Marriage isn't easy.  Not at all.  Not after having spent twenty-three years only having to take care of myself and then suddenly I was married and had someone else to think of.  I suppose others have an easier transition to this but I struggled.  I had to keep reminding myself that life wasn't about me anymore.  I have a husband ... and now I have two children too.  It's really not about me anymore.  And you know what?  I LOVE it that way!

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--  for we are members of his body.  "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."  This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." -- Ephesians 5:22-23

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”-- Philippians 2:4

 "The test of your love toward your spouse isn’t what you say about your love. It’s how you demonstrate that love. Treat your mate as Jesus would. If you make that one decision, it changes everything. The definition of mature love is to treat other people as Jesus would. Jesus is our best example when it comes to love. “This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us” (1 John 3:16" -- Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life