Quiet Time

 I'm the type of person who enjoys needs quiet time every day.  Even if it's just for a few minutes.  I need this time to sit, relax, reflect and take a pause from life.  I've always been this way but since becoming a mother I find I need this time even more than ever. 

So here I lay on the couch with my feet up as I watch the snow fall outside.  My husband is at work, my son is in school after having a 2 hour delay and my daughter is napping.  I spent most of the morning playing dolls with her in between laundry and dishes.  Now it's time to take this moment and relax while the house is quiet. 

I haven't been the best at keeping up with this blog.  Lately I feel like I've been in quite a funk.  I spend so much time at home which drives me crazy but in the last few months anytime I go out I feel like I could pass out.  Still.  I'm in the process of getting treated to figure out why I am becoming this way.  It clearly is no fun at all.  On top of that I'm feeling the usual winter blues.  I'm trying to stay positive but I'm ready for sunshine and spring.  2015 isn't starting out so well. 

Goodbye 2014. Hello 2015.

Wait ... what?  It's 2015 already?  How did that happen.  It feels like I was just here typing a post about the start of 2014.  Why did the year go by so fast.  Unbelievable.

Well, I don't make New Year's resolutions but I do want to make it a point to work on my mental health this year.  I hadn't been feeling well most of December and I've had some anxiety issues.  I've experienced some pretty bad chest pains.  My emotional issues were becoming physical and that's not good.  I've been feeling okay lately but I know how I had felt last month was a definite wake up call.  It's time to put some issues aside and focus on forgiveness.  Forgiving myself.  Forgiving others. 

Yes, 2015 is going to be about forgiveness.  It's something I've struggled with but I need to work on it.  I've been holding a lot in and it's killing me ... well, at least it felt like it was killing me.  So onward we go into this new year with some major mental changes. 

Now let's rewind to the past year.  It was mainly low key but we did have some challenges as well as some good times.  I wanted to break this up month by month but that will take a long time for me so I'm just going to jumble it all up as best as I can.

We experienced some snow in the first few months.  Lots of snow.  The kids had so much fun. 

We took a trip to Hagerstown, MD and visited our favorite park there. 

In March my husband had hip replacement surgery and then returned in April to have the other hip done.  That was the most challenging for us but we made it through.  He learned to walk again with the help of physical therapy and aside from muscle soreness he seems to be doing quite well. 

Because we are season pass holders we were able to visit the nearby amusement park several times.  We also enjoyed quite a few minor league baseball games.  Both my husband and son enjoyed a few monster truck shows too.  That seems to be their thing. 

We took a trip to Hershey and visited Chocolate World.  That's always fun (and free).  

My son finished kindergarten and then started first grade in the fall.  He seems to be doing very well academically but needs a little help with spelling and handwriting.  He can read like a pro and is advanced in math.  Last month he celebrated his 7th birthday.  In the spring he played teeball and in the fall he joined cub scouts for the first time.  He seems to enjoy it and my husband became one of the leader's.  It wasn't something he planned to do but they were desperate for extra leaders.  Oh and he also lost his first tooth, finally.  He also enjoyed his first year of Vacation Bible School during a week in the summer. 

Brianna moved from a crib to a big girl bed.  I'm also happy to say she is potty trained.  We're still working on the night time training but during the day she does well.  She turned 3 during the summer. 

The kids participated and completed the library's Summer Reading Club.  They read all the minutes required and did some of the activities. 

My dad had shoulder and hand surgery so I had to stay at his house and help take care of my mom for a few days.  The kids were with me.  That was another challenge that I'm glad is over. 

In the spring we celebrated 12 years of marriage and in the summer we were able to go on a date all thanks to friends of ours who babysat while we enjoyed dinner at a nice restaurant.  Since having kids going out on dates where it's just the two of us rarely happens.  Dates happen for us once in a blue moon. 

I redid the front flower bed and we completed the back deck renovation.  We also started the kitchen renovation.  It's almost complete.  My husband and father in law opened up a wall and then added a buffet window to the other wall.  It looks so much better.

We had to say goodbye to our favorite neighbors across the street since they sold their house and moved to another town.  We see them from time to time but it's not the same. 

As for me, I started training to be a bus driver.  I'm still in the process of training.  I have to take 4 written tests.  I already passed 1 but have 3 more to do and there are more hours of training I need to complete.  It seems to be taking forever because I just don't have a lot of free time to train.  Which is why I'm thinking of putting the whole idea of becoming a bus driver on hold until my daughter starts school.  That way I'll have a lot of time to train.  I really wanted the job NOW but it just doesn't seem possible. 

I also reconnected with an old friend.  It had been over a decade since I had seen her.  She had just lost interest in being my friend, it seemed.  I had been hurt.  Really hurt.  I had also been confused.  Her husband got in contact with me a few weeks ago and said he wanted us to see if we could make the friendship work again.  This all came out of nowhere and at first I was hesitant but I decided to walk by faith and see where this would lead.  I didn't run to her with arms wide open and I definitely have my guard up but since this opportunity presented itself the way it did I decided why not give it a try and see what happens.  People grow up and change, right?  I was willing to give it a shot.  So far, so good I guess.  I'm not sure what the future has in store for us as far as the friendship goes but it's going to take a lot of time and ... forgiveness.  Yes, there goes that forgiveness thing again.  I'll start with her. 

So that's it, I guess.  At least it's what I can remember right now. 

Here's hoping 2015 is a good one. 

Blogmas 2014 Day 25 - It's Christmas!

I had fallen behind on this Blogmas and I feel bad about it, but I've been feeling bad in general.  Like I wrote in my last post, I haven't been feeling well.  It's not getting any better.  I seem to have good moments and not so good moments but every day I have some issue.  I feel like I could pass out or throw up and laying down seems to help but I'm so tired of resting.  Also, I've started to have really bad chest pains.  Yesterday it was so bad I thought I was dying.  Seriously.  It got better.  But unfortunately most of my Christmas Eve was spent in bed and doing pretty much nothing.  This is how it's been.  I'm so thankful my husband has time off work and is helping with the house and kids.  I don't know what I'd do without him at this time.  However, this sickness, whatever it is, is ruining my life and making me miserable.  Today is Christmas and we're supposed to be spending it at my in-law's house but as we were on the way I started to feel really sick so I asked my husband to turn around and bring me home.  My husband and kids are there and I'm here at home resting.  I can't put into words how terrible I feel about missing Christmas with the family and being here at home alone.  It sucks!  I went to the doctor who ran some tests that came back normal and I have a follow up appointment in a few weeks but I'm going to have to see if she can see me much earlier. 

So yes, my Christmas isn't going well.  However, the kids were so excited ripping into their many presents this morning.  We took pictures but my husband has the camera at the moment.  Yes Santa came and we definitely spoiled our kids.  We spent the morning playing and I made a breakfast of pancakes shaped like a snowman with bacon for the scarf, mini chocolate chips for the eyes, mouth and buttons and a strawberry for the nose.  I have a picture on my phone. 

I'm sure it would have looked better with arms and a hat but I didn't know how to do that.  This seemed to be good enough for them.  I also made a candy cane out of strawberries and bananas.  Also some extra bacon on the side, because you can't just have one piece of bacon. 

Last night I gave the kids a Christmas Eve bag which had new pajamas and a book about the Christmas Story.  This morning they opened up the rest of the gifts.  Santa gave my son this big Scooby Doo Mansion he had asked for awhile go.  My daughter got a doll and a little puppy that barks and moves.  The other gifts were from us and it was a lot: a bow and arrows for my son, a huge Foofa (if you know the show Yo Gabba Gabba then you know who Foofa is) stuffed doll for my daughter, games for both, calendars, trucks, and the list goes on.  I bought my husband two dress shirts with ties for work and a box of chocolate covered cherries.  I also have another gift, one he gets every year, but it had to be delivered to the store.  Hoping to get it by New Year's.  Okay, I'll say it -- it's a calendar with pictures of the kids.  I make him one every year to hang up at work.  I was just a little late on creating it so it didn't get to me on time.  I wish I could have bought him more but with how I've been feeling it's been hard shopping.  And let me tell you what I got!  Earrings, a necklace, a basket filled with a ton of lavender items (Yes -- I believe my husband reads my blog) and some pajamas. 

It would have been a great Christmas if I was just feeling better and able to spend the day with the family.  I just want to get to the bottom of why I've been feeling sick and how to fix it so I can get back to having a normal life.  So I can go places without feeling chest pains and dizzy, fainting spells or needing to throw up.  Ugh. 

Well, I'm just going to rest AS USUAL until the family gets back home.  I miss them.  Christmas isn't right being spent alone. 

From our family to yours - MERRY CHRISTMAS

Thanks Sandra for setting this Blogmas up.  Even though I missed a few days it's been fun. 

Blogmas 2014 - Day 19 Preparing for Christmas

It's amazing how fast Christmas comes each year.  In the beginning and the middle of the year Christmas seems so far away and nothing to even think about.  Then comes November and the Christmas music starts playing on the radio and the stores are fully decorated.  Everyone complains of the ridiculousness that the season is forced to start early but then BAM suddenly it's the end of December and we're 6 days away from the holiday. 

6 DAYS!

Am I prepared?  No.  Not even close.  There are still presents to purchase, all gifts still need wrapped and my heart and mind has yet to find that Christmas spirit and joy.  Ugh. 

You see, lately I haven't been feeling well.  I'm not sure what is going on and why it started.  I get chest pains, shortness of breath and the feeling of passing out.  At this point I haven't passed out yet and I'm not sure if I ever will but I try not to take the chance.  I'm okay when I'm at home with the exception of those random feelings of chest pains here and there but when I'm out the pain worsens and I get light headed.  It's horrible.  Why is this happening to me?  I went to the doctor to get it checked out.  She did an EKG which was normal and sent me for some blood tests which all came back normal.  The only thing that makes sense is that it could be anxiety ... but why?  Sure there are things that stress me out but that's normal.  I'm not one to fear things, aside from closed in spaces or crowded places ... but it's never been this bad before.  Never.  I do have a history of depression but what I'm experiencing now is far worse than anything I have ever gone through before.  I just don't know what to do.  The doctor prescribed anxiety medicine for me and I suppose it's working but just a little.  This is becoming a huge problem for me.  A few weeks ago I took my mom to the mall so she could buy my dad a present and we had to leave right away because I thought I was going to faint.  The next day I was supposed to go to a concert with a friend but I couldn't even get out of the car because my entire body felt numb along with my chest feeling tight.  There have been other times when I just couldn't do what I needed to do.  It's really affecting my daily life.  I don't know why I'm like this and it's scary.  It literally is freaking me out.  There are times when I'm able to go to the store and get what I need and deal with the pain but then there are other times when it's so bad I can barely move.  It's terrifying, especially since this is something that came on suddenly and with no explanation. 

So, all of that has caused me an issue when it comes to preparing for Christmas.  Will you please pray for me. 

But aside from it all, the house is decorated, we're about to make some gingerbread houses with the kids and cookies this weekend.  We made the plans to have Christmas Day dinner at the in-laws and most, not all, of the gifts have been purchased.  This year I decided not to send Christmas cards because the price of the cards and postage is expensive.  So I created one on my computer and e-mailed it to everyone.

I'm trying, because I do usually love this time of year, but unfortunately this year the spirit of Christmas isn't hitting me.  At least not yet. 

Blogmas 2014 - Day 18 Stocking Stuffers

I am very behind on Christmas shopping this year because I haven't been feeling well for awhile.  I'm not sure what's going on.  Today I managed to get out and picked some things up for the stockings. 

Some small books, coloring books, chapstick, pens, socks, small soaps and bubble bath, little toys.  Anything too small to wrap goes in the stockings.  I'll probably end up picking up a few more things and I have to get some stuff to fill my husband's stocking.  I usually get a matchbox car for my son too.  And candy. 

When I was a kid we never had stockings.  When I was a teenager we moved to a new house that had a fireplace.  My mom bought stockings to hang on the mantle for decoration but never put anything in it.  So this has been a new tradition for us that I enjoy doing for my children.  It's one of those things I didn't want them to miss out on. 

Blogmas 2014 - Day 17 Christmas in the USA

My ancestors were from all over Europe - Poland, Ireland, England, Italy, Germany and even Czech.  I'm not sure how any of them celebrated Christmas or if they even cared.  As for me I was born and raised right here in the eastern part of the good ol' United States.  I'm so proud to be an American. 

There are so many different ways to celebrate Christmas here in the United States.  Everyone does it differently, but mostly the same.  It's a Christian nation (although it doesn't always seem to be that way).  We celebrate Christmas as the birth of Jesus ... but then there are those who do not believe in Jesus but celebrate anyway. 

You are most likely to find a Christmas tree in every house but the day of when people get it is dependent on them.  We like to put ours up the day after Thanksgiving.  Some use real trees and others use artificial. 

Most of us will bring Santa Claus into it.  We take our kids to see him at the mall so they can sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas.  We joke about the kids getting coal if they are bad but you know, I've never heard of anyone actually getting coal ever.  On Christmas Eve when the kids are in bed we put all the presents under the tree, including the ones from Santa.  On Christmas morning we wake up and rip into the gifts to see what we got. 

Oh, I forgot.  Where I live Santa comes by on a firetruck on Christmas Eve.  The kids love that.  Our church also has a Christmas Eve service where we light candles and sing Christmas carols. 

Speaking of Christmas carols, some people like to gather together and go door to door singing carols to others.  I did that with a friend and a group of her friends once.  It was fun. 

In New York City and in other cities a big tree is on display for people to go by and see.  The streets are usually decorated with lights and wreaths. 

I feel like there's some things I am missing, but that's pretty much it.  Jesus.  Santa.  Christmas trees and decorations.  Christmas music.  Gifts.  And love ... lots and lots of love. 

Blogmas 2014 - Day 16 Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Our Christmas tree isn't anything worth bragging about.  It's just a tiny 7 ft prelit artificial that stands in the corner of our living room.  It's smaller than the one we used to have but I enjoy it very much.  We don't have a lot of space so it fits perfectly.  We have a wide variety of ornaments, mostly child-related.  Every year we let the kids pick one or two ornaments for the tree.  It makes it special.  The kids also do most of the decorating so it adds that special touch.  Well, if you don't mind having a tree that looks like it's been done by a 3 year old and a 7 year old.  I love it!

And on top of the tree stands our blonde-haired angel that was a gift from my mother-in-law one year.  She adds a nice touch, but I'm thinking in the future of getting a star for the top and displaying the angel on a shelf.

And here is the ornament that was purchased this year.  We bought it at Five Below.  I think my husband was more excited about this one than the rest of us, although we all found it to be cute.