Blogmas 2014 - Day 19 Preparing for Christmas

It's amazing how fast Christmas comes each year.  In the beginning and the middle of the year Christmas seems so far away and nothing to even think about.  Then comes November and the Christmas music starts playing on the radio and the stores are fully decorated.  Everyone complains of the ridiculousness that the season is forced to start early but then BAM suddenly it's the end of December and we're 6 days away from the holiday. 

6 DAYS!

Am I prepared?  No.  Not even close.  There are still presents to purchase, all gifts still need wrapped and my heart and mind has yet to find that Christmas spirit and joy.  Ugh. 

You see, lately I haven't been feeling well.  I'm not sure what is going on and why it started.  I get chest pains, shortness of breath and the feeling of passing out.  At this point I haven't passed out yet and I'm not sure if I ever will but I try not to take the chance.  I'm okay when I'm at home with the exception of those random feelings of chest pains here and there but when I'm out the pain worsens and I get light headed.  It's horrible.  Why is this happening to me?  I went to the doctor to get it checked out.  She did an EKG which was normal and sent me for some blood tests which all came back normal.  The only thing that makes sense is that it could be anxiety ... but why?  Sure there are things that stress me out but that's normal.  I'm not one to fear things, aside from closed in spaces or crowded places ... but it's never been this bad before.  Never.  I do have a history of depression but what I'm experiencing now is far worse than anything I have ever gone through before.  I just don't know what to do.  The doctor prescribed anxiety medicine for me and I suppose it's working but just a little.  This is becoming a huge problem for me.  A few weeks ago I took my mom to the mall so she could buy my dad a present and we had to leave right away because I thought I was going to faint.  The next day I was supposed to go to a concert with a friend but I couldn't even get out of the car because my entire body felt numb along with my chest feeling tight.  There have been other times when I just couldn't do what I needed to do.  It's really affecting my daily life.  I don't know why I'm like this and it's scary.  It literally is freaking me out.  There are times when I'm able to go to the store and get what I need and deal with the pain but then there are other times when it's so bad I can barely move.  It's terrifying, especially since this is something that came on suddenly and with no explanation. 

So, all of that has caused me an issue when it comes to preparing for Christmas.  Will you please pray for me. 

But aside from it all, the house is decorated, we're about to make some gingerbread houses with the kids and cookies this weekend.  We made the plans to have Christmas Day dinner at the in-laws and most, not all, of the gifts have been purchased.  This year I decided not to send Christmas cards because the price of the cards and postage is expensive.  So I created one on my computer and e-mailed it to everyone.

I'm trying, because I do usually love this time of year, but unfortunately this year the spirit of Christmas isn't hitting me.  At least not yet.