Hello 2019

It's hard to believe that we have now entered 2019.  This was my 40th New Year, although I don't remember many of them.  I remember as a child my mom and I would stay up until midnight and watch the ball (then referred to as the "big apple") drop from the comfort of our living room.  Then we would step outside and bang pots and pans.  Exactly twenty years ago I celebrated New Years Eve at a house of our friends and with my husband, then friend, was sitting next to me and I planted an innocent kiss on his cheek at the stroke of midnight.  That was always tradition but to him it meant so much more.  In all honesty I didn't have feelings for him then and really didn't even dream that he would become my husband only a few years later.  Now we enjoy ringing in the new year in our own home with our two children. 

This year we spent the evening eating some junk food and playing board games. 

My kids were determined to make it to midnight and they did, even though my daughter started to get very grumpy and irritable.  Then they decided to sleep in the living room for the night.  It was a fun and relaxing evening.

Then came New Years Day and my parents came over for a ham dinner. 

Since it's a new year I should really be having that "new year, new me" attitude but I just can't seem to find the motivation.  My muscles are currently aching from the work out I did this morning but I'm not excited about it.  I was doing so well with my exercise journey and then suddenly stopped and became lazy about it.  Then I noticed the pounds being added to my waste and knew if I continued to live the way I have been then it would only get worse.  My reason for wanting to eat healthy isn't so much for reason of vanity but for health.  My mother had no self control and always ate whatever she wanted and spent most of her time laying around.  Even after becoming diabetic her lifestyle remained the same, even worse.  Then she suffered a stroke and now alzeimer's.  All, which I know could have been avoided if it were for taking better of herself.  I can't allow myself to follow in her footsteps.  I found myself falling into her routine and I need to stop it.  It's not about looking good, it's about survival.  My mind isn't feeling it so I have to really work hard at pushing myself.  My mindset will catch up but it may take time.  I need this. 

I set a goal to lose 5 pounds this month.  I turned it into a competition and told my husband he should try to gain 5 pounds and we can see who gets there first.  Gaining weight might seem like an easy challenge, but not for my husband.  He's not looking to gain fat, but gain tone and muscle.  I'm looking to lose the fat and gain some muscle too.  Can I lose 5 pounds in just 4 weeks?  We'll see. 

Today was my first day back into an exercise routine and my first day back to work after a wonderful, relaxing break.  I was feeling pretty good until the middle of the work day (which is only 3 hours) and then I started feeling tired and worn out.  This routine is definitely going to take some getting used to.  I can also feel my winter depression setting in and that makes things so much worse.  I don't want to use depression as an excuse and I certainly don't want it to define me but it is a struggle.  I have to push myself when it comes to getting anything done but I'm pretty proud of myself because I am getting through.  I am taking one moment at a time no matter how hard it is.  I can do this.  I got this!

Happy 2019!