I Married My Best Friend

One day during college in the student lounge I noticed a friend was reading a book titled I KISSED DATING GOODBYE by Joshua Harris.  I laughed at the silly thought of not dating. I asked her questions about the book and quickly grew curious.  I decided to buy a copy and read it myself.  To my surprise the book was fascinating.   Joshua Harris was only 21 when he wrote the book.  He was a Christian who was devoted to living his life for God.  At the time I was 19 and had already dated here and there.  Of course, any time I told anyone else about the book they gave me the same look I had given my friend.  Give up dating?  Why would I do that?  Why would anyone do that?  Dating is fun.  How are you going to get to know someone if you don't date them? 

This book doesn't imply that dating is sinful and shouldn't be done but Mr. Harris explains a better way to approach relationships - by being friends first.  Choosing to quit dating doesn't mean giving up on relationships and marriage.  It means putting friendship first and getting to know each other as friends before anything else. 

"Dating has a tendency to move a guy and girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly," Joshua Harris wrote in this book.  He also added, "Intimacy without commitment is defrauding.  Intimacy without friendship is superficial.  A relationship based only on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feeling last."

 Even though I read the book and found it very interesting I still wasn't sure if I was ready to give up dating quite yet.  However, even as young as I was, I was growing tired of dating.  Tired of getting to know someone only to find he wasn't the one.  Tired of rejection.  Tired of being hurt.  Just tired, tired, tired.  Then something happened.  I fell in love ... with someone who had been my friend for a few years. 

We met in college and slowly got to know each other as friends.  It was nice having a friend that was a guy.  For awhile we were both in relationships with other people and taking our friendship to the next level was nothing we considered at the time.  At least I never considered it.  He was a very sweet guy and also quite funny.  Definitely not like any other guy I have ever known.  He made me laugh and always put me in a better mood.  I always had a good time whenever he was around.  I was very comfortable around him too and knew I could be myself without any judgement or worry that he would think less of me.  Dating and getting to know someone on a romantic level can be quite intimidating and awkward.  Sometimes we shy away from showing them who we really are because of fear they will get turned off by us.  At least, that's how it was for me.  My personality with my boyfriends was very different from how I was with my friends.  With my friends I never had felt pressure to try and impress.  I was always just myself.  That's exactly how I was with Rob.  Myself.  Very comfortable, silly, outgoing and quite obnoxious too.  But no matter how I acted he always smiled at me and laughed with me.  We joked around and understood each others quirkiness.  It was nice having a friend like that; a male friend, I should say. 

As the months passed he and I grew closer and closer together.  We spent a lot of time together.  I looked forward to every day I was able to see him.  Then inch by inch those feelings I had for him grew stronger and deeper.  He had feelings for me a lot sooner than I did for him.  It took me some time.  But I knew I loved him.  At 21 years old I fell in love with a man who had already been such a good friend to me and two years after that we were husband and wife. 

Through our marriage we made the agreement that even though we were husband and wife we would always put our friendship first.  I know there are people who disagree with me but I do feel it's important to make your spouse your best friend.  How could he not be my best friend?  We sleep in the same bed.  We share the same house.  We're raising the same kids.  We go on vacations together and spend many hours together.  We live for the sake of each others happiness.  I do have other friends that I hang out with and talk to and consider to be very close with but the relationship I have with my husband is something totally different.  He truly is my best friend. 

Also the benefit of being friends first was that we had so much time to get to know each other without all the romance and trying to impress one another.  I knew so much about him before the intimacy between us started.  That made a huge difference once we did decide to become a couple.  It really made things better. 

This month my husband and I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage.  I'm sure there were plenty of people who had doubt that we would last this long.  Some tried to talk us out of it when we decided to get engaged.  Yet we didn't listen to the others and here we are 13 happy years and 2 kids later.  I wouldn't want it any other way.