Parenting A Strong-Willed Child

The definition of a strong-willed person is someone who is stubborn, tough, not willing to listen to others and always wanting their way.  If you looked up the definition in the dictionary my daughter's name should be written in bold lettering.  She is strong-willed and parenting a strong-willed child is never an easy task.

My son, the eldest of the two, was such an easy baby and toddler.  He seldom threw a tantrum and when he did all I had to do was walk away and it was over.  He was very laid back and never demanded much.  My daughter, on the other hand, is entirely different.  She fits the description of the term strong-willed to a tee.  It becomes a challenge and at times I want to scream and pull my hair out.  If you're the parent of a strong-willed child you know exactly what I mean.

B always knows what she wants and will fight until she gets her way.  As a parent it's my job to teach my children that they can't always get what they want and I can't back down or give in to their demands.  I have seen so many children who think they own the parents and can do whatever they want and the parents let them.  I refuse to be the parent who lets her child get away with everything.  I have to put my foot down.  Let's face it, it's much easier said than done, isn't it?

There have been moments when I've felt defeated.  Arguing with a two year old doesn't work and isn't the right way to approach the matter.  Removing a child from the situation may be a better suggestion, however for B that doesn't always work.  For example when she asks for a snack (and forgot to say please) and it's moments before dinner I will tell her no.  "No snack right now.  It's almost dinnertime and if you eat a snack you won't be hungry for dinner."

"I want a snack.  Get me a snack," -- B says.

"I don't like that tone.  You have to ask nicely and say please ... but I already said no.  No snack.  You'll be eating dinner soon," -- me

B starts throwing a fit and yelling," I want a snack!" Then she proceeds to walk to the pantry and opens the door before picking out what snack she wants.

I pull her way and the screaming fit worsens.

It's at this moment when I feel defeated.  She won't stop screaming and she'll find her way to that pantry even if I've pulled her away or said no several times. Sometimes it works to distract her and sometimes her big brother is there to help with that.  Other times nothing we say or do helps.  Sometimes my husband and I raise our voices and yes I know yelling at a child isn't recommended.  Well, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and there comes a point when we can only take so much.  My children have to know who the bosses are.  When my daughter refuses to listen and demands her way I can't give in and I can't let her think this is acceptable behavior.  I just have to learn how to better handle these situations when they come.  If she's going to be tough I have to be tougher.  If she's going to be challenging I have to learn how to better handle the challenges ... and yes I know I need to learn how to handle it without yelling back at her.  We're only human and it's so easy to lose our cool when put in a situation that we feel helpless.  I've learned to just stop, take a few deep breaths and call on God for strength and wisdom.

And even though I have to put my foot down and not allow her to think she can get her way I've also come to realize that being a strong-willed person isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Strong-willed children generally grow up to be self sufficient and independent adults.  They are also known to be the ones who are leaders instead of followers and that's exactly what I want my children to be.  However, there still needs to be boundaries and they have to learn what is acceptable and what is not.

And before you start judging I will add that my daughter isn't entirely hard to deal with.  I do indeed love her to pieces and wouldn't want her any other way.  She does have so many good qualities.  She loves to dance, sing and even with her strong-willed personality she can also be very sweet and kind.  She's energetic and outgoing.  B loves people and isn't afraid to talk to others and make new friends.  In fact, during my son's baseball games she would always surround herself with other little girls that were there.

Regardless of how challenging it is to raise her at times I know God has big plans for her.  It's not always easy being her mother but for the most part it's definitely worth it.

So if you're a parent of a strong-willed child I ask that you just hang in there.  Don't give into their demands but embrace their personality.  I recommend you read this article I came across that gives 10 helpful suggestions on how to handle a strong-willed child.  http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child