My Girl Is 8

I'm a little late with this post but a few weeks ago my baby turned 8 years old.  I keep saying it, but time is flying!

Unfortunately, I had a mandatory meeting at work and that lasted almost 8 hours.  She was so mad at me for leaving and as I sat in the auditorium listening to what I felt was nonsense and unrelated to my job in the cafeteria I felt really guilty about leaving her.  When I gave birth to my son, my firstborn, I became a stay-at-home mom.  It was important to me that I would be at home with my children full-time and not have to leave them in the hands of anyone else.  It's been a great experience and one I'm thankful for.  Getting a job in the cafeteria meant that I could still be home when the kids are home and I love it.  The extra income has helped a lot.  I'm required to have a certain amount of hours of training/meetings each year and this meeting plus the two hour one the day before covered it.  I just hated leaving my daughter on her special day. 

My husband had the day off and took the kids to a place nearby where the kids can jump and slide on inflatables.  I'm glad they had fun while I was away. 

When I came home we met my parents at Old Country Buffet for dinner.  Then we came home to have cake and open presents.  She was pretty excited about all her gifts, which included a Barbie camper that she had asked for. 

We also surprised her with tickets to see Darci Lynne at the fair next month.  If you don't know who Darci Lynne is she is a young ventriloquist who won America's Got Talent.  She's my daughter's favorite on the show.  We saw her at the airport in D.C last March when we were coming back from Disney World.  

I can't believe my girl is 8.  She's really growing up.  She still loves Barbie's and baby dolls.  She has a lot of friends in school.  I see her in the cafeteria surrounded by lots of girls and she's always laughing and joking around with them.  At home she will be asked by friends to play at their houses.  It's been hard for me letting her go but I can't stop her from being the social butterfly that she is.  She's very sweet and super sensitive.  She's also getting ready for her fifth year old dance and loves it so much.  

She's struggled a bit with school but seems so determined to do better this year as a third grader.  I'm so proud of her.  

Here's to an amazing year, Baby Girl!  I love you so much.

Lazy Morning

This week has been back to school, back to a regular routine, and a whole lot of busyness. 

My mornings start by getting the kids ready for school.  Even though they are 8 and 11 years old they still need constant reminders to stay at the table until breakfast is finished and to brush their teeth and take their vitamins.  The morning is go, go, go until they get on the bus.  Then I take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood, do a little of my own exercising downstairs where we have a little home gym set up, and then get my shower.  Then starts some housework until it's time to leave for work.  I put in my three hours in the cafeteria and that has been chaotic.  There were changes made and it's hectic, and it's also going to take time getting back into the groove of everything.  I really like the people I work with, even tough at times there seems to be a bit of drama.  Isn't there always when working with a group of women?  I ignore it the best I can and go about the day.  I try to be energetic, outgoing, and joke around a lot.  I also do my best at doing my job and also offering more help if there's extra time.  But this week it seems like there's no time to even stop and breathe.  It will get better and I still love it.  Then I go home and continue on the housework until the kids get off the bus.  Since it's the first week they haven't had homework yet.  Then I make sure dinner is ready when my husband gets home and the evening is a bit more relaxing ... for now.  Soon the sports and dance will start and the evenings will be as rushed as the mornings are. 

Today, though, I'm taking a break. 

Even though there is laundry in the washing machine and the dishwasher is going, I'm not planning on doing much else today.  I'm sitting here, with the dog at my side, and I'm getting caught up on some writing.  I've been working on a novel and it's going well.  I'm still in the beginning but I know exactly what I want this story to be from the beginning to end.  I sometimes feel guilty about stopping the housework to relax but if I can get a novel complete and published then that could be a little money coming in.  If it works out.  It's not an easy process and certainly not a quick one, but it's a dream I've had for as long as I can remember. 

So today is a lazy day.  A day when I'm going to sit here and relax and write until it's time to go to work.  Then when I get home I may continue on the story.  Last night I made lasagna and the leftovers will be enough for my husband and I.  My dad plans on taking the kids to dinner and a movie tonight.  It's a rainy morning so the dog and I skipped our walk. 

I also need to rest my mind.  There's so much that's been going on in my life lately.  I've been spending a lot of time in prayer lately asking God to change my heart and I can feel those changes taking place but I need to figure out how to process it all.  Maybe I'll save all that for another blog post.  For now, I better get on with my lazy day. 

New School Year 2019-20

It's hard to believe summer vacation is over.  Today we are back to school.  I have a third grader and a sixth grader.  It's amazing how fast these years go by.

This will be my son's last year in elementary school.   Next year he's going into middle school and I'm not looking forward to it.

Today was also my first day as well.  This is the third year working in the cafeteria at their school.  I love it!  It's just three hours each day and it's so much fun. 

The first day was hectic but it was nice getting back into the routine.

Here's to a new school year!

27 Years In Pennsylvania

This month marks 27 years since my parents and I have moved to Pennsylvania from Long Island, New York.  A lot has happened in these 27 years.  I currently feel grateful for my experiences here but in the beginning of the move and many years after I felt so hurt over it.

My brother and sisters are a lot older than I am.  My brother was married and having children while I was still a toddler, my oldest sister was married when I was in second grade and my other sister graduated high school when I was still playing with dolls and using my imagination.  Then I entered junior high and was allowed to wear makeup and hang out with friends at the mall and movies without adult supervision.  I was finally feeling like I was growing up.  I enjoyed school and was getting A's and B's.  My best friend was Merissa, who on the first day of 7th grade looked at me and said, "hey, do you want to be my best friend?"  We spent a lot of time together either at my house or hers or walking around the mall or seeing the latest movie.  It was definitely a great year and I was looking forward to moving up to 8th grade with my friends and then heading to high school and graduate from the same high school my brother and sisters did.  In my mind I thought I was going to stay in the same house until I was ready to leave it.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

New York is expensive, money was tight.  My parents put all their money into a business that didn't work out.  My dad, a retired police officer, worked as a car salesman and my mom had her own house cleaning business, but none of that was enough to make ends meet.  My grandparents lived with us and moved to Pennsylvania so my grandma could be close to her sister, my Great Aunt Alice.  After my parents visited them they decided it was best for us to move there too.  It was a much cheaper state.  My parents could sell the house, buy a house here without having a mortgage, still need to work but could relax.  The first family who looked at the house decided to buy it.  So, with my brother-in-law driving the moving van and with me in the backseat of our Oldsmobile Calais with our Boston Terrier we were on our way to our new life in Lancaster, PA.

I hated it.  I absolutely hated it.  We spent a few months in an apartment and I started 8th grade in a middle school filled with snobs.  I did make a handful of friends but everyone looked at me as if I was an alien from another planet.  People weren't so kind to New Yorkers around here.  Some people easily adjust to moving.  I didn't.  Then when we found a house and moved in I had to change school districts.  I hated that too.  Again, I made some friends, but I also experienced many hard things.

It wasn't all that bad but it wasn't what I wanted.  I wanted to be on Long Island with my friends and my family.  I felt robbed.  That led to years of depression and suicidal thoughts.

Now, 27 years later, I focus more on the positives.  I've met a lot of great people here.  If I hadn't lived here I wouldn't have met my husband and we wouldn't have brought our two children into the world.  I do believe they were brought into this world for a reason.  Whatever the reason, God has a plan for them.  If all I went through was only to bring them into the world then I am grateful for the experiences. 

I also realize that being out of Long Island means no beaches but we do have this view of the Susquehanna River. 

These photos were taken while my son and I were hiking together.

I truly believe that life is what we make it.  I wish I could have realized that 27 years ago.  When I go back to Long Island it doesn't feel like my home anymore but it wasn't meant to be my home.  Also, home doesn't have to be the place where you were born.  Anywhere can be made a home.  It's sad to know we aren't close enough to family where my kids can be with their cousins.  That's one of the many things we miss out on.  We have each other though and that's enough.  I'm thankful for that.

We've traveled to many places and many states but when I go back to Long Island I feel a little disgusted as to how run down it's become.  I'm glad I left it.  If I stayed until adulthood I probably would have left it anyway.  A lot of people have.  I only wish that my attitude was different as a teenager here in PA.  I hated it here, refused to see the good in it.  Now at 40 years old I see things differently and with a better perspective.  My only regret now is not having a better attitude from the very beginning of the move.  I can't change the past but I can only be better from here on out.

Thank you God for almost three decades in this beautiful state.  I'm done taking it for granted. 

Girls Week and Scout Camp

Last week the guys ventured off to boy scout camp, which left us girls at home.  We called it Girls Week and it's been the best girls week we ever had together.  I wanted to make sure I kept my daughter busy.  After the two skin cancer surgeries and a lot of time hiding my face at home it was nice to finally get out again. 

The boys left on Sunday and we went to the grocery store to get food and snacks for the week.  That night was a terrible storm that knocked the power out so we read books and made crafts by flashlight. 

On Monday I had registered her for a cupcake making class in the next county and she was so excited about it.  We were expecting more storms with flash flooding and I was concerned about it but we made it there and back with only light drizzling.  She had a good time.  She received some lemonade, cupcakes, icing and someone who instructed her and the other kids on how to create unicorn and rainbow cupcakes.  They turned out pretty great for a 7 year old who has never used a piping bag before.  I was impressed. 

She's never been a fan of cupcakes and didn't like the taste of these but the experience was fun and well worth the price. 

On Tuesday we stayed home so I could do some housecleaning.  She watched some movies, we read books and did some crafts.  She reached her 800 minute reading goal for the summer reading club at the library, which was pretty impressive.  She's never managed to get it done this quickly before. 

On Wednesday we headed back to the next county for some shopping at the mall and a visit to my parents house.  She went swimming in their pool and we had burgers made by my father.  Then we went to see Annie at a dinner theater.  My dad purchased these tickets as an early birthday present for her. 

Annie was one of my favorite movies when I was a child.  I watched it over and over again to the point that it annoyed my parents.  On Tuesday night we watched the movie and I remembered every word.  The live show was a bit different and very well done.  She loved it! 

On Thursday we worked on some Legos that we purchased at the mall and then I took her to a bouncy place that we haven't been to in years.  It was the final big thing we did.  Later that evening we made brownies to surprise the boys. 

On Friday her dad picked her up and took her to the camp so she could spend the day there with them.  That gave me a chance to stay home and get some cleaning done because we left quite a mess from girls week.  I love my quiet time but I was already missing her and that fun girl time we had.  I was also missing my guys.  They came back Friday evening.  They brought me back a coffee mug and a lot of stinky, dirty laundry. 

The guys went on and on about how much fun camp was.  Even my husband had a great week.  I'm so glad I signed our son up for the scouts.  He seems to really love it and it's taught him so much and gives him a chance to make friends with common interests. 

I'm thankful my husband texted pictures throughout the week. 

 

This week my son's been going to band camp for school.  He has also found interest in playing the trumpet and learned pretty quickly.  On Friday he will put on a performance for us at the school.  

Today the girl had a dentist appointment to get some cavities drilled.  I really felt bad that she had to go through this.  It makes me feel that I'm not getting the mother of the year award for sure.  I really do try to make sure they stay on top of their dental hygiene and I hope this is the last experience she will have like this.  I was so nervous because she's always been very sensitive to pain, except those few times she got stung by a bee.  She has no reaction to bee stings but will cry and whine about everything else.  So, I was scared for her.  I thought she was going to throw a fit but she surprised me.  She even shocked the dentist who told her she was the best child patient he ever had.  He thanked me for raising such great kids.  They really are great and I'm super proud.  She sat in the chair and was completely still the entire time.  The dentist couldn't believe it.  He's always telling me stories of other kids who have come into his office and has always seemed impressed that mine are so well behaved.  She's been bugging me to allow her to get her ears pierced so I told her if she behaved for her appointment she could get it done.  It worked!  Then on the way home I bought them milk shakes.  I guess I'll have to figure out what day we can go get those ears pierced.  

I'm so proud of my kids.  They're amazing individuals.   

Skin Cancer Surgery Number Three

Last Tuesday I woke up early and started the day at the dermatologist.  He did the Mohs Surgery, which is when he digs up the cancer and then I sit in the waiting room for about an hour while he looks under a microscope to see if he got it all.  The waiting room was filled with older patients and I was the youngest one.  It took 4 times before the doctor was able to remove it all.  I was late for my 11:30am appointment at the plastic surgeon but when I arrived it didn't take long before I was prepped and in the operating room.  Fortunately with the plastic surgeon I was put into a Twilight Anesthesia.  I laid on the operating table and suddenly woke up in the recovery room.  They had to do a skin graft, removing some skin from behind my ear and putting it on the spot under my eye. 

I was able to remove the bandage today and it's an ugly mess.  I have a routine of eye drops, Tylenol and cream to apply to the incisions.  Around my eye is bruised, stitched and bloody.  It's an awful experience.  No, I'm not posting any pictures of my face.  Not for awhile. 

There are more spots that have appeared since first being diagnosed with skin cancer.  I'm not sure what is going on and it's becoming very frustrating.  It's also concerning, especially since the doctor can't figure out what is going on.  He told me about a study that is going to take place involving a new cream and he thinks I'm a good candidate for it.  I've been praying that I'm able to get this cream.  At this point I'm willing to try anything.  I don't think I can take anymore surgeries and the doctor doesn't want me to have to keep going through it either. 

The kids spent a few nights with my parents and came home today.  I've been resting as much as possible but getting antsy.  This hasn't been a fun and active summer but I've managed to get some reading done and start a scrapbook on our Disney trip.  

What's going to happen to my future is only known by God and I'm putting my faith in Him. 

Why Blog?

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother writing in a blog.  It's something I've enjoyed doing for many years, but is there a point?  I mean, I love writing, have loved writing since I was little, but doing it in a blog on the internet?  It's not like I have a lot of readers and certainly don't have anyone leaving comments ever.  When I was blogging on Xanga there was a huge community of people who read my posts and replied and I would do the same for them.  I got a chance to meet people from all over the country and even other countries like England.  It was pretty cool.  I would write about my day and people would leave comments.  I started on Xanga in 2002 shortly after I was married and continued until they shut down in about 2012, or somewhere around then.  I loved having a place where I could share my experiences during pregnancy and raising a child.  Then Xanga announced they were going to charge it's users and everyone split, but eventually I guess the site completely shut down.  Luckily I saved all of my writings in a zip file.  Then I tried Wordpress and then Blogger.  Wordpress and Blogger certainly don't have the same community as Xanga and even those other users who I managed to stay in touch with via Facebook complain that they miss it.

So, why do I keep going?

Well, honestly, writing has always been an escape for me.  It's an enjoyment.  As a child I filled notebooks with stories until my dad bought me a typewriter.  Oh, I loved that thing!  Then in high school came my very first Packard Bell computer.  I typed on that thing like crazy.  Then we got hooked into the world wide web and then all I did was email and instant messaged people.  After I got married, during a time when my husband was working night shift on the weekends, I discovered Xanga and the blogging world.  I started writing something, I can't even remember what, and next thing you knew people were leaving comments.  I got sucked into it, but not as an addiction or anything.  Just something for fun to kill time.  We lived in a tiny apartment, which didn't take a lot of time to clean.  I probably could have found something more productive to do, but writing had always been something I clung to.  I used to keep a journal but I have a hard time actually writing.  My hand hurts after awhile.  That's why I don't keep my own personal journal anymore, although that would be cool.  So, I blogged and said things for all to read and I got a chance to jump into the minds of other writers. 

Even though a lot of those writers have stopped I have managed to keep on going.  I like it.  It's fun.  Also, since my mother has Alzheimer's I realize how precious the memory is.  I even forget things.  Sometimes I go back on my writings and remember moments I forgot.

But it seems silly, doesn't it?  I'm sure my husband thinks so.  But it's good for me.  So, I continue.

I've always wanted to be a published author and even though that dream has taken a seat on the back burner the desire to write a book hasn't faded.  A few months ago I started asking myself if it was time.  I'm forty years old and even if that still seems young I want to be able to have something published while my parents are still alive.  I prayed about it.  I asked God for wisdom in what I could write about.  Then an idea popped in my head.  I sat on my bed and contemplated how the story would go and I was able to come up with something from start to finish.  I grabbed my laptop and quickly typed up a few paragraphs and when I read through it I was like wow that's pretty good.    Yesterday my husband took the kids to church and I stayed home, since I'm still not feeling up to being in the public eye since surgery.  As I was trying to find something to do an idea popped into my head that I could include in the book.  Then I started typing away.  I love how it's going so far.  I also have another idea that I have yet to jot down and I'll get to it soon.  I'm so excited about this.  I'm not sure if the book will be complete by the end of the year but that's my goal.  Being a busy mom doesn't allow me a lot of down time but luckily my kids are becoming pretty independent and like to do their own things.  Like right now, for instance, I'm on the couch typing this up while they are downstairs in the playroom having fun with each other and their toys.  Also, this is a summer of surgeries and recovery so I will be experiencing a lot of down time.  I'm excited about this!  Will it be good enough to actually catch the eyes of a publisher?  I'm not sure but I'm not that far ahead in the planning. 

So, maybe my blogging has lost that community of followers but I'm still writing for me.