Thanksgiving, Birthday, Ballet, and Seasonal Depression

I haven't logged onto the blogging world in awhile.  It's been busy.  Life doesn't slow down.  Even when I find the time to sit and type I look around at a house that needs cleaning up and it makes me feel guilty to sit here and write when there is so much to be done.  But I love blogging.  I love having a place to jot things down.  I'm already realizing there's so much I'm forgetting and these moments I have with my kids I would hate to forget.  So, here I am.  I'm going to try really hard to update as much as possible.  Having this blog helps.  It really does.  Even if no one reads it.  I do miss Xanga, which was a blog that had a community of people who would comment and converse with each other.  It was nice.  But my main reason for blogging is for me.  I noticed a lot of people have stopped but I'm still going. 

It's that time of year where the weather is getting colder and we have to bundle up before leaving the house.  The Christmas decorations are up and we are preparing for the holiday.  It won't be long before we are celebrating a new year.  Oh my goodness, where did 2017 go? 

We celebrated Thanksgiving at the place where we had our wedding reception with my parents, sister and her family, and brother and some of his family.  It was nice and meant a lot to my parents to have everyone there.  With my mom's health who knows what next year will bring.  My kids had fun with their cousins.  There are no children family members here so they get excited when family visits.  It was nice for them but all the fun made them exhausted.  Then we celebrated our boys 11th birthday.  He decided to go to a buffet and then bowling for his big day.  I'm so proud of that boy.  He's doing well in school and is busy with scouts and playing trumpet with the school band.  In the spring he will start back with baseball. 

My daughter has been busy with dance classes.  Aside from taking three different classes this week she's been rehearsing for two different Christmas shows.  One was with Moscow Ballet Great Russian Nutcracker as a snowflake.  Moscow Ballet offers a Dance With Me program where they travel around the country and allow young dancers to be on stage with them.  This was her first year doing it and she loved it.  She took a day off of school and spent the day rehearsing and hanging out with her dance friends.  Then she performed in the evening.  What a great show!  The entire program was amazing.  She really wants to do it again next year. 

She'll be in another show on Saturday.  Then, maybe, life will slow down a bit. 

I actually don't mind being so busy.  Staying busy helps keep that depression away.  I can feel the depression seeping in lately.  It must be that time of year.  I am having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning and when I think about having to leave the house it makes me feel like I just can't ... but I do.  I fight through it.  I wasn't looking forward to volunteering in my daughter's class today but when I went in the kids cheered me up.  Then I was back in the same building to serve the kids lunch.  Being outside of the house and around others really helps to keep my mind off things.  Then I come home to a quiet house with lots of things to be done and all I can think about is laying around under a blanket and doing nothing.  It's a constant battle but I'm getting through one moment at a time. 

Melting Snow

Wouldn't you think a two hour delay means an opportunity to take advantage of some extra sleep and relaxation?  Not for my kids.  We received the call last night that today would be a two hour delay for school.  My son was awake before 6:30am and willingly went outside to help his dad shovel the driveway.  He's such an awesome kid.  I'm so proud of him.  In a few years he will be a teenager and I'm not sure if that typical teenage laziness will kick in but so far he's always been an early riser.  It's not a bad thing at all.  I'm just shocked that he would still rather get up super early even when he doesn't have to.  What a guy!  My daughter also woke up early and went outside.  As they helped with the shoveling I stayed inside and made bacon, eggs, pancakes, hot chocolate for the kids and coffee for us adults.

My husband wasn't on a delayed schedule but did make it out the door a little later than usual.  My kids spent the morning playing games and drawing pictures while I caught up on some laundry.

My son wanted to take the bus to school and my daughter came along with me since it was the start time for my job in the cafeteria.  I put in my 3 hours of work and came home.

My little pug is not a fan of the snow.  I had to carry him down the deck stairs.

I'm guessing we got about 5 inches of snow yesterday and the shining sun has melted a little bit of it today.  Yesterday I watched on the news as many cars were stuck all over and I wonder how anyone could like this crummy white stuff.  Today it only lays on the grassy areas and not on the road so that's okay with me now.  It can be such a beautiful sight but I'm more of a summer girl.  Snow in mid November makes me wonder what's to come for the rest of the season. 

November Snow

It's not officially winter yet and we didn't get much of a fall.  Just last month we were getting 80 degree temperatures.  Today it's freezing with snow and sleet.  My kids made it to school but were sent home early.  No lunch was served which means I got to stay home; however, it wasn't a relaxing morning.  I had to venture to the other side of town for a doctor appointment.  Now we are all home and staying warm.  My kids enjoyed some play time and shoveling (they insisted on shoveling without being asked).  Currently the snow has stopped and it's sleeting.  More snow is expected. 

Elsa, bring back summer!

Walk To End Alzheimer's 2018

On Saturday, October 20th I joined with many others to raise money for the fight to end Alzheimer's.  My mother was diagnosed with this horrific disease last year and ever since I've been realizing how crucial it is to find a cure.  Right now there is no cure and there are no survivors.  I saw just a glimpse of what this disease was when I spent my senior year working in a nursing home.  Now it's affecting my family.  It's personal now. 

I created a page for the walk through the Alzheimer's Association.  At first I decided to set a goal of $100, which I was going to donate myself.  I sent the information to a few people giving them the opportunity to donate if they wish.  I didn't want them to feel pressured or obligated.  My dad took off running with this.  He shared the page with family and friends and worked hard at making sure everyone could pitch in and help.  I watched as people donated left and right.  My father told me to set the goal to $1,000 and I was convinced that was unrealistic.  In the end I ended up raising a total of $1,870.  I couldn't have imagined raising THAT much.  In the individual category I am number 1.  It was pretty cool hearing my name being called at the walk.  I received a long sleeved shirt for raising $100, and for going over $1,000 I received a t-shirt, a bag, a medal and certificate.  I presented my mother with the medal as a reminder to keep on fighting. 

My son joined me at the walk.  I would have loved for my husband and daughter to have joined me but I thought my daughter had dance rehearsal that morning.  Well, the walk was done and we were home sooner than I thought.  I was home in time to take my daughter to rehearsal but when we got there I found out there was no rehearsal that day.  With so much going on and so much scheduled I failed to realize that there was no dance scheduled for that day.  Oh, how aggravated I felt at that moment because my husband and daughter COULD have joined us.  I'll make sure they attend next year.  She would have loved it.  They had games, free snacks and face painting.  We will do it again next year. 

 My goal in doing this was to raise money to find a cure and to get to that first survivor.  It may be too late for my mom but I will do whatever I can to make sure something is done before it reaches me, my kids, my siblings, my nieces or my nephews.  This disease has been horrible for my mother and also horrible for my father who has been her caregiver.  Watching and knowing how much my dad is struggling while taking care of her is hard.  It's a sacrifice. 

We were joined at the walk by one of the local news anchors and also the mayor of the city.  I'm can't say I'm a fan of him but glad to see his support. 

The following photos are credited to Frances Gibbons who organized the walk in my county:

I can't remember who this guy was but that's the back of my head! 

Skin Cancer

I'm not one for sharing pictures of myself.  I don't like taking selfies unless it's with a Snapchat filter.  I certainly do not like taking a picture of myself when there is no makeup to cover the blemishes and a bandage covering a swollen cheek and a stitched cut.  But there it is.  Lovely, right?

About a year ago I developed this ugly thing on my face that I thought was a pimple but it never went away and any pimple cream I used just made it worse.  Months went by and this thing didn't disappear.  I realized it was more than just a pimple but being the kind of person that I am I was in no rush to see a doctor.  It took having to see the doctor for a UTI to say, "hey, can you look at this?"  She looked at it and her eyes grew bigger as she said, "That looks like skin cancer.  You need to have that checked right away.  I will refer you to a dermatologist."

Today I took one of the few sick days I have and went to the dermatologist.  I had hoped that he would remove this spot completely but instead he decided to chop off a piece and have it sent in for a biopsy.  I will find out the results next Thursday and have the rest removed as well.  I also have a spot on my eyelid and he's concerned about that one.  I'm nervous about it but leaving this all in God's hands.  

I'm also leaving today's election day results in the hands of God as well.  I am certainly hoping it goes the way I wish but I pray about it being what's in God's Will.  God knows what will happen tomorrow and what will happen 100 years from now.  He already has it all planned out.  He has my life planned out and he has the fate of the country planned out. 

Halloween

I always wanted to be one of those moms that makes a huge deal out of every holiday.  You know, decorate the house to it's fullist, bake lots of festive cookies and desserts and spend the day doing fun activities.  I started parenthood that way but then that desire faded.  I feel too tired and unmotivated for that stuff and I hate being that way.  I need to learn to be better at it because I want to give my children a memorable childhood.  It even took us awhile to get to the Halloween store to pick out costumes for the kids.  They decided to go with some kind of sniper/soldier guy and Addison from the Disney movie Zombies.  In previous years we took the kids to many different trunk of treats in the area but this year we only did the one at cub scouts and actual trick-or-treating on Halloween night.  That alone filled up a huge bowl of candy.  My kids like to combine their candy and share it.  So sweet.  But every time I pass the bowl I have to fight myself not to take any.  Ugh, I love candy but the weight that's building around my hips and stomach tell me back off, lady! 

My kids seemed to have enjoyed Halloween and just like that the day is over.  We are now in November and preparing for Thanksgiving and my son's birthday.  Before we know it, we will hear Christmas music and decorations everywhere.  I can't stand how each year passes faster than the last. 

I'M 40!

I turned 40 last week.  I don't have a decent picture of me celebrating the day.  I can't say I was in much of a mood for it.  The day was okay.  My husband and kids tried to make it special.  I was just emotionally wiped out. 

40 isn't turning out so well.  I have skin cancer and am waiting to hear from the doctor of when I can get in to get these ugly spots removed from my face.  My mother is dying.  My father has worn himself out and exhausted himself with being her caregiver and he's taking it out on everyone else, including and mostly me - the one who has been there for him and sacrificed so much when it comes to helping him.  All I have done just to be told I depress him.  My father has problems.  He needs help.  I'm done helping him.  That may sound harsh but I'm sick of going through all I've gone through.  My job in the cafeteria is going well.  I love surrounding myself with all the kids and just those three hours at work really help me.  Those three hours also keep me from doing the abundance of things I could be getting done at home but that's okay - I'll catch up.  We're busy.  Between fall ball games and dance classes.  My daughter will be in two Christmas shows so that means two ballet rehearsals on Saturdays until December.  That also goes with her usual two days a week of three classes.  She continues to love dance.  My son is in his final year of cub scouts, his second year of trumpet and is finishing up what may be his final year of fall ball.  He'll play in the spring but he doesn't want to play in the fall anymore.  It makes us so busy and I've recently learned the importance of making sure we stop to make time for friends.  Hey, where are my friends?

So, yes, I'm now 40.  A new decade.  A chance to start over.  So far it's been exhausting but I'm managing.  As I was approaching the big 4-0 my mind kept thinking of all the things in life I did wrong and all I wish I could have done differently.  Is that normal?  When I woke up on my birthday I took some time to thank God for giving me these years and helping me get this far.  I may have regrets but I also realize how fortunate I am for all I have and those are the things I want to focus on the most.  Through all the trials and errors of my life I have plenty to be thankful for ... even if there are some who don't appreciate me.  I don't need appreciation.  I need peace.  I'm going to find that peace.