November Snow

It's not officially winter yet and we didn't get much of a fall.  Just last month we were getting 80 degree temperatures.  Today it's freezing with snow and sleet.  My kids made it to school but were sent home early.  No lunch was served which means I got to stay home; however, it wasn't a relaxing morning.  I had to venture to the other side of town for a doctor appointment.  Now we are all home and staying warm.  My kids enjoyed some play time and shoveling (they insisted on shoveling without being asked).  Currently the snow has stopped and it's sleeting.  More snow is expected. 

Elsa, bring back summer!

Walk To End Alzheimer's 2018

On Saturday, October 20th I joined with many others to raise money for the fight to end Alzheimer's.  My mother was diagnosed with this horrific disease last year and ever since I've been realizing how crucial it is to find a cure.  Right now there is no cure and there are no survivors.  I saw just a glimpse of what this disease was when I spent my senior year working in a nursing home.  Now it's affecting my family.  It's personal now. 

I created a page for the walk through the Alzheimer's Association.  At first I decided to set a goal of $100, which I was going to donate myself.  I sent the information to a few people giving them the opportunity to donate if they wish.  I didn't want them to feel pressured or obligated.  My dad took off running with this.  He shared the page with family and friends and worked hard at making sure everyone could pitch in and help.  I watched as people donated left and right.  My father told me to set the goal to $1,000 and I was convinced that was unrealistic.  In the end I ended up raising a total of $1,870.  I couldn't have imagined raising THAT much.  In the individual category I am number 1.  It was pretty cool hearing my name being called at the walk.  I received a long sleeved shirt for raising $100, and for going over $1,000 I received a t-shirt, a bag, a medal and certificate.  I presented my mother with the medal as a reminder to keep on fighting. 

My son joined me at the walk.  I would have loved for my husband and daughter to have joined me but I thought my daughter had dance rehearsal that morning.  Well, the walk was done and we were home sooner than I thought.  I was home in time to take my daughter to rehearsal but when we got there I found out there was no rehearsal that day.  With so much going on and so much scheduled I failed to realize that there was no dance scheduled for that day.  Oh, how aggravated I felt at that moment because my husband and daughter COULD have joined us.  I'll make sure they attend next year.  She would have loved it.  They had games, free snacks and face painting.  We will do it again next year. 

 My goal in doing this was to raise money to find a cure and to get to that first survivor.  It may be too late for my mom but I will do whatever I can to make sure something is done before it reaches me, my kids, my siblings, my nieces or my nephews.  This disease has been horrible for my mother and also horrible for my father who has been her caregiver.  Watching and knowing how much my dad is struggling while taking care of her is hard.  It's a sacrifice. 

We were joined at the walk by one of the local news anchors and also the mayor of the city.  I'm can't say I'm a fan of him but glad to see his support. 

The following photos are credited to Frances Gibbons who organized the walk in my county:

I can't remember who this guy was but that's the back of my head! 

Skin Cancer

I'm not one for sharing pictures of myself.  I don't like taking selfies unless it's with a Snapchat filter.  I certainly do not like taking a picture of myself when there is no makeup to cover the blemishes and a bandage covering a swollen cheek and a stitched cut.  But there it is.  Lovely, right?

About a year ago I developed this ugly thing on my face that I thought was a pimple but it never went away and any pimple cream I used just made it worse.  Months went by and this thing didn't disappear.  I realized it was more than just a pimple but being the kind of person that I am I was in no rush to see a doctor.  It took having to see the doctor for a UTI to say, "hey, can you look at this?"  She looked at it and her eyes grew bigger as she said, "That looks like skin cancer.  You need to have that checked right away.  I will refer you to a dermatologist."

Today I took one of the few sick days I have and went to the dermatologist.  I had hoped that he would remove this spot completely but instead he decided to chop off a piece and have it sent in for a biopsy.  I will find out the results next Thursday and have the rest removed as well.  I also have a spot on my eyelid and he's concerned about that one.  I'm nervous about it but leaving this all in God's hands.  

I'm also leaving today's election day results in the hands of God as well.  I am certainly hoping it goes the way I wish but I pray about it being what's in God's Will.  God knows what will happen tomorrow and what will happen 100 years from now.  He already has it all planned out.  He has my life planned out and he has the fate of the country planned out. 

Halloween

I always wanted to be one of those moms that makes a huge deal out of every holiday.  You know, decorate the house to it's fullist, bake lots of festive cookies and desserts and spend the day doing fun activities.  I started parenthood that way but then that desire faded.  I feel too tired and unmotivated for that stuff and I hate being that way.  I need to learn to be better at it because I want to give my children a memorable childhood.  It even took us awhile to get to the Halloween store to pick out costumes for the kids.  They decided to go with some kind of sniper/soldier guy and Addison from the Disney movie Zombies.  In previous years we took the kids to many different trunk of treats in the area but this year we only did the one at cub scouts and actual trick-or-treating on Halloween night.  That alone filled up a huge bowl of candy.  My kids like to combine their candy and share it.  So sweet.  But every time I pass the bowl I have to fight myself not to take any.  Ugh, I love candy but the weight that's building around my hips and stomach tell me back off, lady! 

My kids seemed to have enjoyed Halloween and just like that the day is over.  We are now in November and preparing for Thanksgiving and my son's birthday.  Before we know it, we will hear Christmas music and decorations everywhere.  I can't stand how each year passes faster than the last. 

I'M 40!

I turned 40 last week.  I don't have a decent picture of me celebrating the day.  I can't say I was in much of a mood for it.  The day was okay.  My husband and kids tried to make it special.  I was just emotionally wiped out. 

40 isn't turning out so well.  I have skin cancer and am waiting to hear from the doctor of when I can get in to get these ugly spots removed from my face.  My mother is dying.  My father has worn himself out and exhausted himself with being her caregiver and he's taking it out on everyone else, including and mostly me - the one who has been there for him and sacrificed so much when it comes to helping him.  All I have done just to be told I depress him.  My father has problems.  He needs help.  I'm done helping him.  That may sound harsh but I'm sick of going through all I've gone through.  My job in the cafeteria is going well.  I love surrounding myself with all the kids and just those three hours at work really help me.  Those three hours also keep me from doing the abundance of things I could be getting done at home but that's okay - I'll catch up.  We're busy.  Between fall ball games and dance classes.  My daughter will be in two Christmas shows so that means two ballet rehearsals on Saturdays until December.  That also goes with her usual two days a week of three classes.  She continues to love dance.  My son is in his final year of cub scouts, his second year of trumpet and is finishing up what may be his final year of fall ball.  He'll play in the spring but he doesn't want to play in the fall anymore.  It makes us so busy and I've recently learned the importance of making sure we stop to make time for friends.  Hey, where are my friends?

So, yes, I'm now 40.  A new decade.  A chance to start over.  So far it's been exhausting but I'm managing.  As I was approaching the big 4-0 my mind kept thinking of all the things in life I did wrong and all I wish I could have done differently.  Is that normal?  When I woke up on my birthday I took some time to thank God for giving me these years and helping me get this far.  I may have regrets but I also realize how fortunate I am for all I have and those are the things I want to focus on the most.  Through all the trials and errors of my life I have plenty to be thankful for ... even if there are some who don't appreciate me.  I don't need appreciation.  I need peace.  I'm going to find that peace. 

Happy 95th Birthday Grandpa

My grandpa died from heart failure at 80 years old.  Today he would have been 95.  It's hard to believe 15 years have passed without him.

He was a World War II veteran and a retired airplane mechanic.  His parents came to the United States from Poland and he was proud to be Polish.  He was a man who stayed to himself most of the time and enjoyed fishing.  Most of the time you would find him in the extra bedroom watching tv.  I know my dad doesn't have a lot of fond memories of him growing up but as a grandfather he was pretty great.

I miss him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!

Wasn't I a cutie?

Overcoming A Rough Week

Last week was a rough one, but we made it through.  Whew.

My father was having excruciating pain and discovered that a cyst he had was infected.  He needed to get it removed as soon as possible so he went into the hospital on Tuesday night for a Wednesday surgery.  Since my mother had a stroke six years ago and now suffers from Alzheimer's she's not able to care for herself.  She walks with a cane but often gets too wobbly for even that.  She needs someone to cook for her and clean up after her.  Often times she needs reminded to use the bathroom, needs help getting dressed and showered.  It's unbelievably sad to see the woman who brought me into the world go through such a horrible disease.  It's hard to understand what she's saying and a lot of the time she gets stuck on thoughts and repeats words like a broken record.  So, while my dad was in the hospital I had to take care of her.  She stayed at our house and we traveled back and forth to the next county where the hospital was and where they live.

After work on Tuesday my dad called to tell me I needed to take him to the hospital so they could start the antibiotic.  With my mother in tow we drove to the hospital and stayed while he got settled in and hooked up.  Then I took my mom back to her house so we could pack her things before heading to my house.  She slept in my daughter's room and my daughter stayed with our son.  Thankfully he has a bunk bed.  On Wednesday was surgery and the operation didn't start until 6pm.  I felt bad my father had to wait that long and we weren't there.  No one was.  When my mom woke up on Wednesday she was in bad shape and remained that way all day.  She kept spacing out and I couldn't get her to do anything.  There was no way I was able to get her down my stairs and to the hospital.  So, we stayed home.  I felt terrible for my father.  He said he didn't mind but I'm sure he did.  On Thursday my mom was well enough to take the trip but on the way she threw up in the car because dumb me forgot her Dramamine.  I stopped at her house to change and clean the car the best I could.  On Friday my dad go the okay to go home.  It's great that he's home but he still has some healing to do.

I had a glimpse of what my father goes through as a caregiver for my mother.  He's amazing and I don't know what would happen without him.  He's trying all he can to keep my mother with him but I fear it won't be long before she will have to go into a nursing home.  I used to work in the dining room of a nursing home and from that experience I never wanted my parents to have to end up in one.

Being the only other family member here in Pennsylvania means I'm the only one that can help my parents when they are in need.  It's not easy but I do what I can.  I took three days off of work to take care of my mother and am thankful that my bosses understood the reason.  It's only a cafeteria job working three hours a day but the money has really helped us.

While all of this was going on we also had to say goodbye to our sweet rabbit Daisy.  Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary since we adopted her from the SPCA.  She must have only been three years old, maybe four.  An indoor rabbit should live a lot longer.  I don't know what went wrong but I have been kicking myself for it.  My daughter is especially upset over the loss.  She was a good bunny and we miss her terribly.  I didn't realize how amazing rabbits can be until we got her.

Last week was just sad.  Terribly sad.