I turned 40 last week. I don't have a decent picture of me celebrating the day. I can't say I was in much of a mood for it. The day was okay. My husband and kids tried to make it special. I was just emotionally wiped out.
40 isn't turning out so well. I have skin cancer and am waiting to hear from the doctor of when I can get in to get these ugly spots removed from my face. My mother is dying. My father has worn himself out and exhausted himself with being her caregiver and he's taking it out on everyone else, including and mostly me - the one who has been there for him and sacrificed so much when it comes to helping him. All I have done just to be told I depress him. My father has problems. He needs help. I'm done helping him. That may sound harsh but I'm sick of going through all I've gone through. My job in the cafeteria is going well. I love surrounding myself with all the kids and just those three hours at work really help me. Those three hours also keep me from doing the abundance of things I could be getting done at home but that's okay - I'll catch up. We're busy. Between fall ball games and dance classes. My daughter will be in two Christmas shows so that means two ballet rehearsals on Saturdays until December. That also goes with her usual two days a week of three classes. She continues to love dance. My son is in his final year of cub scouts, his second year of trumpet and is finishing up what may be his final year of fall ball. He'll play in the spring but he doesn't want to play in the fall anymore. It makes us so busy and I've recently learned the importance of making sure we stop to make time for friends. Hey, where are my friends?
So, yes, I'm now 40. A new decade. A chance to start over. So far it's been exhausting but I'm managing. As I was approaching the big 4-0 my mind kept thinking of all the things in life I did wrong and all I wish I could have done differently. Is that normal? When I woke up on my birthday I took some time to thank God for giving me these years and helping me get this far. I may have regrets but I also realize how fortunate I am for all I have and those are the things I want to focus on the most. Through all the trials and errors of my life I have plenty to be thankful for ... even if there are some who don't appreciate me. I don't need appreciation. I need peace. I'm going to find that peace.
Monday, October 15, 2018
Monday, October 1, 2018
Happy 95th Birthday Grandpa
My grandpa died from heart failure at 80 years old. Today he would have been 95. It's hard to believe 15 years have passed without him.
He was a World War II veteran and a retired airplane mechanic. His parents came to the United States from Poland and he was proud to be Polish. He was a man who stayed to himself most of the time and enjoyed fishing. Most of the time you would find him in the extra bedroom watching tv. I know my dad doesn't have a lot of fond memories of him growing up but as a grandfather he was pretty great.
I miss him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!
Wasn't I a cutie?
He was a World War II veteran and a retired airplane mechanic. His parents came to the United States from Poland and he was proud to be Polish. He was a man who stayed to himself most of the time and enjoyed fishing. Most of the time you would find him in the extra bedroom watching tv. I know my dad doesn't have a lot of fond memories of him growing up but as a grandfather he was pretty great.
I miss him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!
Wasn't I a cutie?
Monday, September 10, 2018
Overcoming A Rough Week
Last week was a rough one, but we made it through. Whew.
My father was having excruciating pain and discovered that a cyst he had was infected. He needed to get it removed as soon as possible so he went into the hospital on Tuesday night for a Wednesday surgery. Since my mother had a stroke six years ago and now suffers from Alzheimer's she's not able to care for herself. She walks with a cane but often gets too wobbly for even that. She needs someone to cook for her and clean up after her. Often times she needs reminded to use the bathroom, needs help getting dressed and showered. It's unbelievably sad to see the woman who brought me into the world go through such a horrible disease. It's hard to understand what she's saying and a lot of the time she gets stuck on thoughts and repeats words like a broken record. So, while my dad was in the hospital I had to take care of her. She stayed at our house and we traveled back and forth to the next county where the hospital was and where they live.
After work on Tuesday my dad called to tell me I needed to take him to the hospital so they could start the antibiotic. With my mother in tow we drove to the hospital and stayed while he got settled in and hooked up. Then I took my mom back to her house so we could pack her things before heading to my house. She slept in my daughter's room and my daughter stayed with our son. Thankfully he has a bunk bed. On Wednesday was surgery and the operation didn't start until 6pm. I felt bad my father had to wait that long and we weren't there. No one was. When my mom woke up on Wednesday she was in bad shape and remained that way all day. She kept spacing out and I couldn't get her to do anything. There was no way I was able to get her down my stairs and to the hospital. So, we stayed home. I felt terrible for my father. He said he didn't mind but I'm sure he did. On Thursday my mom was well enough to take the trip but on the way she threw up in the car because dumb me forgot her Dramamine. I stopped at her house to change and clean the car the best I could. On Friday my dad go the okay to go home. It's great that he's home but he still has some healing to do.
I had a glimpse of what my father goes through as a caregiver for my mother. He's amazing and I don't know what would happen without him. He's trying all he can to keep my mother with him but I fear it won't be long before she will have to go into a nursing home. I used to work in the dining room of a nursing home and from that experience I never wanted my parents to have to end up in one.
Being the only other family member here in Pennsylvania means I'm the only one that can help my parents when they are in need. It's not easy but I do what I can. I took three days off of work to take care of my mother and am thankful that my bosses understood the reason. It's only a cafeteria job working three hours a day but the money has really helped us.
While all of this was going on we also had to say goodbye to our sweet rabbit Daisy. Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary since we adopted her from the SPCA. She must have only been three years old, maybe four. An indoor rabbit should live a lot longer. I don't know what went wrong but I have been kicking myself for it. My daughter is especially upset over the loss. She was a good bunny and we miss her terribly. I didn't realize how amazing rabbits can be until we got her.
Last week was just sad. Terribly sad.
My father was having excruciating pain and discovered that a cyst he had was infected. He needed to get it removed as soon as possible so he went into the hospital on Tuesday night for a Wednesday surgery. Since my mother had a stroke six years ago and now suffers from Alzheimer's she's not able to care for herself. She walks with a cane but often gets too wobbly for even that. She needs someone to cook for her and clean up after her. Often times she needs reminded to use the bathroom, needs help getting dressed and showered. It's unbelievably sad to see the woman who brought me into the world go through such a horrible disease. It's hard to understand what she's saying and a lot of the time she gets stuck on thoughts and repeats words like a broken record. So, while my dad was in the hospital I had to take care of her. She stayed at our house and we traveled back and forth to the next county where the hospital was and where they live.
After work on Tuesday my dad called to tell me I needed to take him to the hospital so they could start the antibiotic. With my mother in tow we drove to the hospital and stayed while he got settled in and hooked up. Then I took my mom back to her house so we could pack her things before heading to my house. She slept in my daughter's room and my daughter stayed with our son. Thankfully he has a bunk bed. On Wednesday was surgery and the operation didn't start until 6pm. I felt bad my father had to wait that long and we weren't there. No one was. When my mom woke up on Wednesday she was in bad shape and remained that way all day. She kept spacing out and I couldn't get her to do anything. There was no way I was able to get her down my stairs and to the hospital. So, we stayed home. I felt terrible for my father. He said he didn't mind but I'm sure he did. On Thursday my mom was well enough to take the trip but on the way she threw up in the car because dumb me forgot her Dramamine. I stopped at her house to change and clean the car the best I could. On Friday my dad go the okay to go home. It's great that he's home but he still has some healing to do.
I had a glimpse of what my father goes through as a caregiver for my mother. He's amazing and I don't know what would happen without him. He's trying all he can to keep my mother with him but I fear it won't be long before she will have to go into a nursing home. I used to work in the dining room of a nursing home and from that experience I never wanted my parents to have to end up in one.
Being the only other family member here in Pennsylvania means I'm the only one that can help my parents when they are in need. It's not easy but I do what I can. I took three days off of work to take care of my mother and am thankful that my bosses understood the reason. It's only a cafeteria job working three hours a day but the money has really helped us.
While all of this was going on we also had to say goodbye to our sweet rabbit Daisy. Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary since we adopted her from the SPCA. She must have only been three years old, maybe four. An indoor rabbit should live a lot longer. I don't know what went wrong but I have been kicking myself for it. My daughter is especially upset over the loss. She was a good bunny and we miss her terribly. I didn't realize how amazing rabbits can be until we got her.
Last week was just sad. Terribly sad.
Friday, August 31, 2018
SCHOOL IS BACK IN SESSION
Another school year is upon us. Last Wednesday my kids headed back to school as second and fifth graders. Where does the time go? Really? This is the second year of me being back in the cafeteria. I do like the job and am thankful to have found something that works out well. I am at work for only three hours while they are in school and I'm home when they are home. It's nice. I love interacting with all the other kids and the job itself really isn't all that stressful. I really like the people I work with and do my best to ignore the gossipy chatter that's usually there. The paycheck really helps us too.
We are at the end of the second week back and this was the first full week. 172 more days to go. Whew. My daughter seems to love second grade so far and she has a really sweet teacher. Her teacher called her on her birthday a few weeks ago and I thought that was just so nice. My son is in fifth grade and he seems to like it too. He doesn't really say much about school. I see them during lunch but don't get a chance to talk to them.
I'm glad that the kids enjoy school. I have considered homeschooling them so many times and maybe that's a possibility during the high school years but for now we all seem to be happy with where things are at.
Enjoy the year, kids. Mommy is so proud of you!
We are at the end of the second week back and this was the first full week. 172 more days to go. Whew. My daughter seems to love second grade so far and she has a really sweet teacher. Her teacher called her on her birthday a few weeks ago and I thought that was just so nice. My son is in fifth grade and he seems to like it too. He doesn't really say much about school. I see them during lunch but don't get a chance to talk to them.
I'm glad that the kids enjoy school. I have considered homeschooling them so many times and maybe that's a possibility during the high school years but for now we all seem to be happy with where things are at.
Enjoy the year, kids. Mommy is so proud of you!
DC TRIP PART 2
After we saw the White House our son asked if we could go into one of the museums we went into during our trip last year. We had seen The Air and Space Museum, The Museum of Natural History and The Museum of American History. As we walked around we found the American History one so we went inside. After we went through security the first thing we saw was Batgirl's Batmobile. That was cool.
We walked through the museum and saw some of the same from last year such as the chairs used in All In The Family and Julia Child's kitchen but there was a lot of new stuff added too.
My mom always speaks of her childhood obsession with Howdy Doody.
Our daughter loved the dresses worn by previous first ladies and they even had the dress that Melania Trump wore to the Inaugural Ball.
*Disclaimer: Any negative comments made about President Trump and Mrs. Trump will be deleted.
Our son even tried to give a presidential speech.
Then after we left DC we found a huge mall nearby that had many great stores. We stopped at Friday's for dinner, checked out the American Girl Doll store and made it to the Washington Redskins store just in time before they were ready to close.
We didn't make it home until almost midnight and thankfully had the chance to sleep in the next day. The trip had some not-so-tolerable moments but enough good things to make it worth the trip. I'm not sure when/if we'll make it to DC again but it is one of our favorite places to be.
We walked through the museum and saw some of the same from last year such as the chairs used in All In The Family and Julia Child's kitchen but there was a lot of new stuff added too.
My mom always speaks of her childhood obsession with Howdy Doody.
Our daughter loved the dresses worn by previous first ladies and they even had the dress that Melania Trump wore to the Inaugural Ball.
Our son even tried to give a presidential speech.
We didn't make it home until almost midnight and thankfully had the chance to sleep in the next day. The trip had some not-so-tolerable moments but enough good things to make it worth the trip. I'm not sure when/if we'll make it to DC again but it is one of our favorite places to be.
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Arlington National Cemetery and DC Trip Part 1
Last Saturday we went to Arlington National Cemetery so our son and some of the other scouts could participate in the wreath ceremony at the Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier. This was the fourth time he was part of this amazing ceremony. It's such a somber experience. Since this is his last year in the cub scouts this may be the last year we do this.
My boy is the one in the tan Webelo shirt. I'm so proud of him and all he's accomplished so far.
After walking from one end of the cemetery to the next we decided to keep the car parked there and walk over the Potomac River into DC. The walk was supposed to be one mile but it felt so much longer than that. As we walked over the bridge I realized it may not have been a good idea since we had two little ones. I regretted that decision quickly. We made it to DC and arrived right where the Lincoln Memorial was. We walked from there to the White House and then took a tour around The Museum of American History before making our way all the way back to the car. My husband tracked that we had walked seven miles but I swear it was so much more than that. My feet are still sore. I tried to enjoy the day and we did have some great moments but, whew, all that walking. The coolest part was as we walked around the White House we passed by a face that seemed so familiar to me. He was in a full suit and had security around him. Within seconds I realized who it was and I tapped my husband and then pointed to the man passing us and said, "Hey, that's Ivanka Trump's husband." It was so cool to see him but I wondered why he was walking down a main road. There was a crowd of people around us but I seemed to be the only one who knew who he was. I didn't want to bring any attention to him because I know he, along with the Trumps, aren't well liked people. So, I didn't even snap a picture either. Who knows what Secret Service would do if I did, right?
My kids loved how the ducks, squirrels and birds weren't afraid to walk right up to us.
The kids also had a chance to experience tacos from a food truck. It was delicious if I do say so myself. They seemed to enjoy it.
Even with all the walking and the disagreements between me and my husband as to what we should do it was still a good day.
I'm going to be back to share photos from the museum and also the mall we stopped at before heading home. Those photos are on my camera and haven't been uploaded to the computer yet. Once I find more time I'll get to that. I also have more things from the summer time to add as well. My days are filled with an abundance of chaos and so much to do but I would love to get back into regularly blogging. It helps calm me down. More on that soon.
My boy is the one in the tan Webelo shirt. I'm so proud of him and all he's accomplished so far.
After walking from one end of the cemetery to the next we decided to keep the car parked there and walk over the Potomac River into DC. The walk was supposed to be one mile but it felt so much longer than that. As we walked over the bridge I realized it may not have been a good idea since we had two little ones. I regretted that decision quickly. We made it to DC and arrived right where the Lincoln Memorial was. We walked from there to the White House and then took a tour around The Museum of American History before making our way all the way back to the car. My husband tracked that we had walked seven miles but I swear it was so much more than that. My feet are still sore. I tried to enjoy the day and we did have some great moments but, whew, all that walking. The coolest part was as we walked around the White House we passed by a face that seemed so familiar to me. He was in a full suit and had security around him. Within seconds I realized who it was and I tapped my husband and then pointed to the man passing us and said, "Hey, that's Ivanka Trump's husband." It was so cool to see him but I wondered why he was walking down a main road. There was a crowd of people around us but I seemed to be the only one who knew who he was. I didn't want to bring any attention to him because I know he, along with the Trumps, aren't well liked people. So, I didn't even snap a picture either. Who knows what Secret Service would do if I did, right?
My kids loved how the ducks, squirrels and birds weren't afraid to walk right up to us.
The kids also had a chance to experience tacos from a food truck. It was delicious if I do say so myself. They seemed to enjoy it.
Even with all the walking and the disagreements between me and my husband as to what we should do it was still a good day.
I'm going to be back to share photos from the museum and also the mall we stopped at before heading home. Those photos are on my camera and haven't been uploaded to the computer yet. Once I find more time I'll get to that. I also have more things from the summer time to add as well. My days are filled with an abundance of chaos and so much to do but I would love to get back into regularly blogging. It helps calm me down. More on that soon.
Monday, August 20, 2018
SHE'S 7!
Seriously, can someone please make time slow down just a bit? My baby turned 7 last week. 7 just seems like such a big number to me. 7 years old and going into 2nd grade. Her days of wanting to be a princess seems to be hitting her that it's not something possible and she now talks of being a kindergarten teacher. I think she will make a fantastic teacher. She has always been so caring towards others. I absolutely love her sensitive soul. She is a mama's girl and I hope that never changes.
For her seventh birthday she chose to go to Hershey Park. I haven't been there in a long time and she's never been there. The place was CROWDED! I can't remember it being so full of people. The lines to a lot of the rides were long. We didn't get to do many rides. We waited in line for a new water coaster for about two hours and then it broke down. Ugh. What a waste of time. However, through all the chaos I told the kids how important it was to find the good in the day and yes there were plenty of good. I'm just hoping our trip to Disney World will be more successful.
Also, when it's this girl's birthday it also means the end of summer vacation. I didn't blog much, did I? I really haven't had much to write about I guess. I'm hoping to get back to regularly blogging because it's always been therapeutic to me, even if no one reads it. In a few days the kids head back to school and I'll be starting my second year in the cafeteria. It will be nice to make a little extra money again.
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