Not A Good Start To Summer

Hello ... it's the first day of summer.  I can't say it was a good start of the season.  It was rather ... terrible.  Aside from the kids' swimming lessons in the morning we stayed home.  I was looking forward to an action packed, fun summer but so far it's not working out that well.  We do have many plans scattered throughout the summer months but so far it's just this and that and not much of anything.  Also, because of the kids behavior lately I've had to do a lot more punishing and disciplining than anything.  I hate it.  I really do.  Today was a very bad day.

My kids are not good listeners.  They also break the same rules over and over.  I tell them not to do something and within minutes they are doing exactly what I told them not to.  It's an every day thing and I'm just at my wits end.  I cannot take it anymore.  I've raised my voice more times than I can count.  I don't know what else to do.  Calmly speaking to them, time outs, sending them to their room, nothing works.  Screaming at the top of my lungs and scaring them ... that works.  And I hate that it works.  I always said I would never be the mom that yells but here I am.  I am that mom.  It really makes me wonder if I have the patience to be a stay-at-home mother.

The sad part is in just a few months my youngest daughter will be starting kindergarten and those days of spending all day everyday with the babies and toddlers will be over.  I will have two school aged children and it will be time for me to look for a job outside of the home.  I know that once I have that job I will look back on these years at home with my kids and I will miss it and I will regret the attitude I had when things got rough.  Sometimes I think to myself I am not cut out for this motherhood stuff and it hurts that those feelings could even cross my mind.

The days are rough.  Today was especially exhausting.  At the end of the night when my son gave out a sigh about reading I threw my hands up, stood up and told my husband to take over.  I stayed in my room while he helped them get ready for bed and tucked them in.  That's how exhausting the day was.  Don't judge.

I've really been having trouble lately.  My husband and I got into a huge argument today because he just couldn't understand my frustration towards the kids.  He came home and after knowing what a day I had he asked, "Why are you angry?"  I wasn't angry.  I was tired.  I was frustrated.  The anger came soon after, though.  It was a bad day.  A very bad day.  A let's forget this even existed kind of day.

My husband and kids are asleep and as much as my tired eyes would like to go to bed too I need to take some time for myself.

I'm certain those who followed me are now wondering why my blog says blog removed.  I kept the same blog but decided to change the URL.  It was time.  I may even change the title so it's no longer going to be A Little Bit of Sunshine.  I'm not feeling so sunshiney anymore.  

My Ballerina's First Recital

Last Saturday was my little girl's first dance recital.  I always wanted to have a girl who took dance classes so it excites me that my wish has come true and that she enjoys it so much.  The entire show was great.  It was titled "Night At The Art Museum" which is a story that takes place in Paris with two girls who are artists and get some inspiration from a famous artist.  They view different art pieces which come to life.  My daughter was in the youngest class so when they walked onto the stage there were a lot of "awwww" coming from the audience.  She did great and I was so proud.

 

 

 

 She's eager to continue with classes after summer vacation.  I'm so excited for her.  I took ballet when I was younger but only lasted 5 1/2 years.  I was bored with it but now as I look back I wish I would have continued.  I will not pressure my daughter to continue if she decides to no longer pursue dance but I really, really hope she keeps going.  

 Here I am before my first ballet recital as a "butterfly." 

School's Out For Summer

I have been fighting a cold for exactly a week.  I don't think I've ever been sick this long and I don't know why it won't go away.  It seems to be worse at night time.  I haven't slept well at all this week.  This is why it's passed midnight and I'm sitting here on the couch trying to stop this continuous cough.  I can feel the mucus draining down my throat.  Gross!  I just don't know what to do to get rid of this annoyance and I'm trying hard to avoid seeing the doctor.  I just want sleep!  Last night I slept on the couch because my coughing was driving my husband insane and kept him from sleeping as well. So, I sat on the computer and did some writing.  I have always wanted to be an author and have been working on the same novel for many years, struggling to get through the first chapter.  It's mainly because I lack the time to get it accomplished.  Someday my dream will happen.  Someday.

In other news, today my son finished his last day as a second grader.  I can't believe it.  He has done so well thus far in school.  He is above grade level in math and reading.  He does need to work on spelling and handwriting but he will get it eventually.  I truly do believe that the English language is hard and not everything is spelled as it sounds.  It's so tricky.  As for handwriting he's a lefty, as am I, and I never seemed to be able to write eligible.  These things that he has trouble with I plan on working with him during the summer in preparation for third grade.  I cannot believe he is now entering the third grade.

My experience in third grade was horrible.  My teacher was the meanest person I had ever met in my life.  She called me stupid and told me I would never amount to anything.  I wasn't the only student she treated this way but it did hit me hard.  I believed it and from that point on I came to hate school and didn't see a point in trying.  It's a shame I allowed one ignorant teacher to effect my entire outlook of school and learning but unfortunately I did.  Now my son is entering the third grade, a year I hated so much.  I'm sure he will not have a teacher like mine.  Oh, I won't allow it!  But academically speaking he is going to be faced with more challenges.  I believe in him.  He's very smart.  I still worry.  Doesn't every good mother?

Now summer vacation has started for both of my children and I have many, many plans to keep them busy. 

Mommy Got A Crown

I had a dentist appointment this morning to get a crown put in.  As I was getting my daughter ready and told her why I had to go she said with amazement, "you're getting a crown?"

Well, yeah, of course!  I am a princess, you know.

Okay, so I'm not a princess.  I'm just your average person ... with a history of having not so good teeth.  Gah!  This was my third root canal.  Not cool.

My husband was at work and my son was in school so I had to take the little miss with me.  She sat so quietly and nicely as I was getting the work done.  The dentist couldn't get over how well behaved she was.  He had told me awful stories of other kids who have visited before.  One kid poured soda into the fish tank while his mother just sat there and laughed.  The poor fish didn't make it.  Another kid threw toys at the wall leaving dents and marks.  My goodness.  We discussed how horrible some parents can be.  I mean, I don't like to judge another parent but come on, laughing while your child dumps soda into a fish tank?  So not cool!

The entire time I was at the dentist he just kept going on and on about how great she is and how great kids come from great parents.  He even let her pick a toy from the prize box and gave her a $1, which is something he has done for both kids in the past whether it was for their appointment or mine.  Geez ... these kids are getting rich from going to the dentist while I go broke!

It really feels good when someone compliments my children on their behavior and also on my parenting.  I know I'm not perfect ... not even close.  My kids can and have been out of hand at times.  Hey, they are kids. Kids will be kids.  There are times when I feel like I'm losing my mind because they just won't listen.  However, for the most part, they do very well when we are in public.  I'm thankful for that.  My son's teachers and classmates have told me numerous times that he is very quiet in school.  I asked him why and he said, "because we're not supposed to talk in class."  My kids do listen, maybe even too good.  At home it's another story.  Sometimes I feel like a broken record when it comes to having to tell those two to stop doing something.  It's nice to know they are behaving when they are supposed to be and it's nice that others are noticing. 

Preschool Graduation

Well, our youngest has graduated from preschool last week.  It was definitely an emotional time for me and she didn't take it so well either.  She loved going to school and loved her teachers and classmates.  She made lots of friends and most of them she probably won't see ever again.  The year went by so fast.  Sending both our kids to preschool was the best decision we could have made.  She went from knowing so little to knowing so many things.  She has learned how to write the alphabet and numbers.  She knows the days of the week and the months of the year.  She can spell her name and also spell MOM and DAD.  She also knows how to spell her brother's name.  This summer I plan to work more with her before entering kindergarten.  Kindergarten?  Ugh.  I am not ready to see my baby enter the world of public school.  Time goes by so fast and it's not fair.  In our district kindergarten is full-day and I know it's going to be long and exhausting for her but she's a social butterfly and will do well.

I am so proud of her and how far she's come since the beginning.

Aside from learning she also went on many field trips and I was able to join her for each one.

The fire station where she learned about fire safety and had the chance to see the different equipment used during a fire and a tour through one of the trucks. 

Story time and a tour of the library.

 

A hike through a local park getting educated about different animals and trees by a tour guide.

 

A tour at the dairy where we learned how milk is made and even got to meet a few cows and goats.

There were also a few concerts.  Halloween, Christmas and graduation.

 

 This milestone really hit me hard.  I was in tears throughout her last day of school.  I'm an emotional person and can't handle change very well.  I am also struggling with the fact that my kids are growing.  Of course, the growing is going to happen and I am very proud of both my children.  I want to be able to keep my children little forever but also can't wait to see them grow up too.  

So, we have another graduate from preschool.  I am so proud.  

God Will Never Unfriend Me

Lately I've been having some issues about not feeling accepted by certain people and feeling harshly judged by others but I do not want to go into details about those things.  Aside from all that I logged onto Facebook today and took notice to the fact that one of my nieces had "unfriended" me.  I messaged her and she said her boyfriend went onto her phone and deleted everyone.  I immediately knew this was false because I could see she had over 1,000 friends on there, including all of our family.  I remember when I noticed when the amount of my friends had dropped by 1 but I didn't put much effort into trying to figure out who it was.  Come on, I have a life!  Today I discovered it was her and it had me confused and a bit hurt.  I've been "unfriended" before, not just on Facebook but in real life as well.  Plenty of times.  I've known people who have looked me in the eye and told me how much they cared for me and then found out they had the very opposite things to say about me behind my back.  This happens often.  It's made me lose the ability to trust anyone.  I've often wondered how anyone could be so dishonest and disheartening to others, then again, I haven't been perfect in how I have treated others at times.  We're human.  We have emotions.  We make mistakes.  We get hurt but we also hurt others, intentionally or not.

So many times in my life I've allowed people to get close to me and believed their words of how they like me and trusted that their motives were good, only to find out that they weren't who they said they were.  I wouldn't doubt that every person I've ever met has said at least one negative thing about me when I'm not around.  Here's the thing, their opinion doesn't matter.  Nope.  It doesn't.  I don't wake up in the morning and live my life for them so their judgements mean nothing.

The opinion of Jesus is what matters.

God created this world for His purpose.  He created me for His purpose. Am I living my life fully and completely for Him and the way He desires me to live it?  Those are the things I need to worry about.

Honestly, it's taken me a long time to feel this way.  My husband has the ability to brush things off his shoulders and never makes an issue out of anything that someone else says about him.  When I was hurt over some comments others had made his response was, "it doesn't matter what a person who doesn't even live with us thinks."  Since he said that I started praying to God to help me through this.  I can't change the opinions of others but I can change how I handle them.  When someone says or does something hurtful I'm going to feel that sting of pain for awhile but then I'm going to remind myself that it doesn't matter.  I'm going to focus only on the One who created me.  The One who has never given up on me.  The One who promised to never give up on me and will hold onto that promise.  The One who would never hit the "unfriend" button.  People will make promises and break them.  God makes promises and keeps them.

It's true!  Who could love you more than Jesus loves you?  No one!  So, why should the opinions of others matter so much to us?  They shouldn't.  Having this mind set has been an amazing weight off my shoulder and really helps.  I thank God for his everlasting love. 

Tea With The Princesses

I'm probably not going to get a chance to work on Happy Homemaker Monday today.  I only have one hour before having to pick up my daughter from preschool and there is so much to be done around the house but I wanted to update about the weekend.

Saturday morning my daughter and I joined my best friend and her daughter to a princess tea party with Elsa and Anna.  It was so cute.  The tables were set with fruit, a ham and cheese sandwich in the shape of a butterfly and little cakes.  Elsa and Anna did the girls hair, makeup and nails.  My daughter was so happy and loved every minute.  I don't think I've ever seen such a bright and cheery face on her before like this.  She always tells me she wants to be a princess so this was a chance for her to live out that dream.  She kept telling me it was the best day.

Then we went home and joined the boys for opening day at the amusement park we go to a lot.  This is the third year we are season pass holders.

 

When I tucked my daughter into bed that night I asked if she had a good day.  She hugged me and looked up at me with a smile and said, "the best."  It makes me feel so good to see my kids happy.  

I also have to add, with the help of Elsa, my daughter had a french braid in her hair for the first time.  It looked so cute.